Monday, May 2, 2011
Being here in China on this day has been very strange. Big things are happening back home but I'm missing out on it. I'm on the outside looking in and I want to be inside. Except I can't. It's almost like it's not really happening to me. Like this day won't be a part of my American history because I wasn't really there to experience it. I can read the internet news and re-watch the President's speech but it's not the same.
It's like being on a team. And the coach decides to have a sleepover and I'm the only girl that can't come. The sleepover is awesome and it's all the other girls talk about for weeks afterwards. They have inside jokes and favorite memories and really funny stories. But because I didn't go, I just can't relate. I'm still a part of the team. They still like me, want me around but I've missed out on a really important part of the team building. Or something.
I'm really homesick for America right now. Not because I want to be in the streets chanting "Hey, hey, hey, goodbye" or even screaming "USA, USA, USA". But because I am missing a piece of American history. A time of gathering together, a time of forgetting right and left, a time of remembering what we've overcome.
At the same time, I'm troubled by a lot of the hatred being screamed in the media and yes, even on my Facebook wall. I get it, the vindication, the legitimation, the sigh of relief. But it hurts my heart, all the "you-deserve-to-burn-in-hell" stuff, the celebration of death, the wishing of pain on someone.
I know, I know. Where's my patriotism?
It's right there, tucked in between deciphering what it means to 'love those that hate you' and jumping for joy that Bin Laden is dead.
It's a tricky thing, to work out my faith when my patriotism is involved.
Regardless, today I'm reminded how glad I am to be American, how thankful I am for the men and women who fight for my freedom (even if I choose to live in another country), and how grateful I am that I have a living God who is in complete control in every situation.