I hate being an adult sometimes.
I don't want to do work, I want to play. I don't want to pay bills, I want to buy lots of awesome stuff. I don't want to go to bed on time, I want to stay up all hours blogging and skyping. I don't want to go to work everyday, I want to sleep in and read books and watch movies. I don't want to grade papers, I want to go to movies and hang out with friends. I don't want to be a good communicator, I want to live an unconfrontational life. I don't want to keep my house clean, I want to throw clothes all over because I can. I don't want to apologize for saying something I shouldn't have, I want to say whatever I want regardless of consequences.
I don't want to do right, speak wisely, love fully, stay motivated, finish well, encourage others, humble myself, apologize often, control emotions, ask forgiveness, feel empathy, work hard, be consistent.
I want to stomp my feet, wave my fists and yell, "NO! It's too hard."
That's where I'm at today. Wanting to throw a hissy-fit but trying to remember something about loving Jesus and letting Him shine through me so I can love others.
Because really, how scary would it be to see me flailing about the floor in a full-on grown person temper tantrum? Funny, maybe, but really frightening.
Help me Jesus!
**Update: The hissy-fitishness has subsided and the "old self" has been sufficiently beaten down again. For at least the next 15 minutes. Ready for the next round due any minute now...