Happy Day?

I'm leading worship in the morning. I get to do it once a month and I LOVE it. And loath it. Okay, I don't loath it but it really is one of the hardest things I do. I always enter it with a little trepidation. It's this weird mix of feeling inadequate and unworthy. I'm not great at what I do but I love to worship. And I'm learning about myself that I love to lead others in worship.

This week has been really difficult to choose songs. It's Easter month, a celebration and remembering. But it's still a time of hardship and loss for my community. It's been two weeks since Tim died and I'm not sure what's appropriate to sing about. I've really struggled with choosing the right songs. Can we praise and have fun? Is it okay to get a little rowdy?

Arg. I don't know.

The opening song is called "Happy Day". It's super peppy and so fun to sing. It almost makes one want to dance.

The greatest day in history

Death is beaten, you have rescued me,

Sing it out, Jesus is alive!

The empty cross, the empty grave

Life eternal, you have won the day,

Shout it out, Jesus is alive

He's alive

Oh, happy day, happy day,

You washed my sins away

Oh, happy day, happy day,

I'll never be the same

Forever I am changed...

It's a great song. A happy, joyful reminder of Christ's sacrifice. But even as I write this, I'm at war with myself. Is it appropriate to sing at this time? Or is it flaunting...life? Happiness? If it is, is that okay?

I was talking with a friend about it and she said, "Jen, in times like this, I have to CHOOSE joy." That really stuck with me. I don't even know if I know what that means yet. I can choose to understand. I can choose to be content. I can choose peace. I can choose acceptance. But can I choose joy? I'm talking personally here. Can I, have I, chosen joy? In spite of circumstances, can I still be joyful about what God has done for me, in me?

That's why I decided to keep the song in my set list. Because I want to choose joy. Not happiness. But joyfulness. I want to remember what He has done for me and be joyful about it.

The second verse says, "When I stand in that place, free at last, meeting face to face, I am yours, Jesus you are mine. Endless joy, perfect peace, earthly pain finally will cease. Celebrate, Jesus is alive. He's alive!"

Those words are really powerful if I really believe them.

As for the rest of the service we're singing- Sing to the King, Unchanging (Raise Up Holy Hands), My Savior My God, Stronger, Overcome, and My Jesus I Love Thee.

I'm hoping to remind us not only of Christ's sacrifice in death and power in His resurrection but also that He cares about each of us, individually. He is unchanging, He is our strength, our Overcomer. And He deserves our praise.

Pray. Pray is what I need to do.