Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Ti-i-i-ime I-is On My Side

I have 5 weeks of plan-less vacation staring me in the face. So much time, so little to do. After such a busy semester and more recently a busy Christmas weekend, I'm finding it hard to slow down and rest. I'm already finding myself bored. 

In an effort to have things to do, I've started creating lists. A list of movies I want to watch (I have at least 25 already), a list of places I want to sight-see in my city, a list of school work that must get done. It's all adding up to a lot of alone time. Something I don't mind but also find a little sad. I mean, I like being alone. It gives me time to think. And I'll get a chance to really practice my Chinese while out on my excursions. But 5 weeks is a long time. 

I do have a few friends in town. Many, MANY people went to their home countries for the holiday break as this is the longest mid-school break we've ever had. In my attempt at saving money for traveling this summer, I decided to stay here. I look forward to spending time with the 8-10 people that will be here off and on during the break but we can't all spend our every waking moments together. That would be exhausting.

So, I'll pepper my quiet time with a few friends- game nights, movies, dinners. I'll spend the a huge lot of my time letting my brain think and reflect and mull over the last 2.5 years. I've been so busy, even on breaks and holidays, that I haven't had time to do much of that. And I excel in the art of finding things to fill my time when I do have a break- internet, movies, books, friends. 

This (almost forced) reflection time, it makes me nervous. I fear that my time, the way that I've spent the last two years, will be "weighed in the balances and found wanting." I could've done more, said more, grown more, loved more, lived more. 

And yet, I have to remind myself that some of largest growth comes from the act of reflection. What can be done differently? What must be changed? What was good? What was done poorly?

Sigh. What a sad little post after being absent for so long. I'm at this point where I have so much I could be writing about that I have to start out really small and work my way out of my thoughts. It's like being covered in an avalanche and having to dig myself out, one handful of snow at a time. At least I don't have to drink my own pee to survive.

Yes, I really said that. Made myself laugh out loud.

I really am so thankful for this break. I feel like I've been in a race but not running against anyone in particular.  The whole I'm-getting-things-done-but-is-it-purposeful? thing. That's been echoing around my head for a couple of months. I want to be purposeful in my busy-ness. Not just being busy to be busy. What a waste that would be. It's nice to have time to breathe, to spend time in my house, to get to know my city again.

A few things to update you on...
  • After living a year and a half in my house, I finally bought a t.v. Yay!
  • I'm returning to my job for another year. Four years in the same place, it's a record.
  • I auditioned and got a part in a big play here in my city. I'm the evil Stepmother. 
  • Guitar learning is not going so well. Sigh. I wish I was a faster learner.
  • I'm still pursuing my Chinese. I'm hoping to spend a lot of time out and about working on it this holiday. 
 That is all. For now.


Lisa said...

Jen you always make me smile and you are never truly alone!! Enjoy your time of quiet, you will look back and find it went way too quickly! I envy you for your sense if adventure. You are doing things most of us only dream about.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jen, several things:

Sometimes a life is just for living. After the fact you don't have to worry you didn't do it all right. Chances are, all of us didn't do it ALL right. Being human isn't easy.

Don't ever drink pee...especially if there is snow.

I hope teaching has prepared you for your role as the evil stepmother!

I wanted to mention that we didn't order the skirt or the pants for your Christmas box. You may want to go ahead and order them so we can send them in the next box.

Enjoy your freedom. It will be a useful time to prepare mentally and spiritually for the rest of the school year. It may save you having such a lot of pressure as you do sometimes.

We love you. Mom