mǎmahūhū

Consistency is Key...

2012-02-05T13:11:00.002+08:00

I teach World History to a class of twenty-three 9th graders. We are about a week into our World Religions Unit where we cover the five major world religions: Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity and Judaism. I'm hoping to briefly touch on Mormonism and Shintoism but will spend most of our time focused on the big 5. As an assessment at the end of the unit, I split the class into groups and they have to create a skit where all the leaders of those religions come together to have a dinner and discussion. It's really fun to watch and students enjoy doing it.

Anyway, last week I was teaching about Hinduism and the effect it's had on the social class structure in India. We've already learned-ish the names of the caste system and how each level affects society but I was trying to teach them another word for the lowest class- the untouchables.

And let me just preface this by saying we were in the middle of really good classroom discussion. I was feeling all teachery and a little rock starish because they were laughing in all the right places and asking questions outside of the info I was telling them.We were in tune. I was well on my way to a "teacher of the year award" with this lesson.

Me: Let's review. What was the name for the lowest social class in India way back when?

The entire class: Untouchables!!!

Me: You're geniuses! Can anybody tell me another word that's used in place of 'untouchables'?

Total silence....

Me: I'll give you a hint. It's also a name for a type of fish. A very deadly fish.

Student 1: A perch!

Me: (raised eyebrow) No.

Student 2: A shark!

Me: Nope

Student 3: A piranha!

Me: Oh...ha. Yes, a piranha is definitely what I was thinking of...but not the right word. But it's close...(trying to hide my utter embarrassment and feeling the "teacher of the year award" slipping through my fingers)

Student 4: Pariah!

Me: Yes! Pariah! That's it. Not piranha. Please, oh please, do not write piranha on your test. I will be humiliated as a teacher.

They laughed but I was so serious.

Sigh. Sometimes my brain just doesn't work. And I don't even notice that it's not working until I'm deep in the middle of a discussion.

The following is a story that I blogged about in 2008. It still makes me blush when I think about it...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I was at church tonight, getting ready to sing on the worship team. We, as in several pastors, the other singers and the band, were all gathered in the green room getting ready to pray and the men were going over the run-down of the service. We're all standing in a circle, I'm the only girl, surrounded by the head pastor, the worship pastor, and all the other guys. This is what happens:

Head Pastor: "The message today is about Noah. Okay, so-and-so Pastor, you'll be doing the welcome but you won't need to introduce the sermon. We're going to go straight into it."

So-and-so Pastor: "Oh, okay. I thought I was going to be introducing it so I was looking up information about Noah. I came across a book by Maxwell discussing his (Noah's) leadership abilities."

Head Pastor: "Well, that's interesting. He really didn't have any. He wasn't a good leader. He couldn't get anyone to follow him."

Peanut Gallery: "He did get his family to follow him onto the boat."

Me: "Yah, and he got the Israelites to follow him out of Egypt."

*Chirp* *Chirp* *Blink* *Blink*

Head Pastor: "Noah?"

Me: "Yah, they followed him out of Egypt. Like 2 million pe...oh, I'm an idiot."

Nothin' like making a fool of yourself in front of a group of pastors. 'Lead Pastor' did go on to question if I taught my students Bible. Which I denied. I'm pretty sure I became neon pink and tried to laugh it off. It's all a blur now.

Oh, if I only had a brain!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm nothing if I'm not consistent.

The Vacation Thus Far...

2012-01-06T13:28:00.000+08:00

Coffee

Sleep

New friends

Old friends

Family

Celebrations

Alone time

Quiet

Rest

Work

Play

Shopping

Sight-seeing

Adventures

Movies

Books

Conversation

Food

Happiness

Sadness

Missing-ness

Peace

Reflection

Boredom

Home

Children

Conversation

Excitement

Laughter

Tears

I just finished pushing myself, maybe I was more drawn than pushed, to finish a particular book. I was half-way through before I realized the treasure for what it was. Reconciliation, yearning, the old self at war with the new. It was beautiful and heart-breaking and stirring. It has made me feel contemplative, which in my opinion, is the best sort of book. It pierced me just a little. It was recommended by a friend, one who's opinion on such things I greatly value but hardly ever agree with. Also something I enjoy, finding common ground.

I know that the above paragraph has nothing to do with this post. But I needed to write it for myself. Sort of as a reflection to look back on.

It has been a good week. Just enough to do but not too much. A perfect blend of people and quiet.

Ti-i-i-ime I-is On My Side

2011-12-27T16:17:00.000+08:00

I have 5 weeks of plan-less vacation staring me in the face. So much time, so little to do. After such a busy semester and more recently a busy Christmas weekend, I'm finding it hard to slow down and rest. I'm already finding myself bored.

In an effort to have things to do, I've started creating lists. A list of movies I want to watch (I have at least 25 already), a list of places I want to sight-see in my city, a list of school work that must get done. It's all adding up to a lot of alone time. Something I don't mind but also find a little sad. I mean, I like being alone. It gives me time to think. And I'll get a chance to really practice my Chinese while out on my excursions. But 5 weeks is a long time.

I do have a few friends in town. Many, MANY people went to their home countries for the holiday break as this is the longest mid-school break we've ever had. In my attempt at saving money for traveling this summer, I decided to stay here. I look forward to spending time with the 8-10 people that will be here off and on during the break but we can't all spend our every waking moments together. That would be exhausting.

So, I'll pepper my quiet time with a few friends- game nights, movies, dinners. I'll spend the a huge lot of my time letting my brain think and reflect and mull over the last 2.5 years. I've been so busy, even on breaks and holidays, that I haven't had time to do much of that. And I excel in the art of finding things to fill my time when I do have a break- internet, movies, books, friends.

This (almost forced) reflection time, it makes me nervous. I fear that my time, the way that I've spent the last two years, will be "weighed in the balances and found wanting." I could've done more, said more, grown more, loved more, lived more.

And yet, I have to remind myself that some of largest growth comes from the act of reflection. What can be done differently? What must be changed? What was good? What was done poorly?

Sigh. What a sad little post after being absent for so long. I'm at this point where I have so much I could be writing about that I have to start out really small and work my way out of my thoughts. It's like being covered in an avalanche and having to dig myself out, one handful of snow at a time. At least I don't have to drink my own pee to survive.

Yes, I really said that. Made myself laugh out loud.

I really am so thankful for this break. I feel like I've been in a race but not running against anyone in particular. The whole I'm-getting-things-done-but-is-it-purposeful? thing. That's been echoing around my head for a couple of months. I want to be purposeful in my busy-ness. Not just being busy to be busy. What a waste that would be. It's nice to have time to breathe, to spend time in my house, to get to know my city again.

A few things to update you on...

After living a year and a half in my house, I finally bought a t.v. Yay!
I'm returning to my job for another year. Four years in the same place, it's a record.
I auditioned and got a part in a big play here in my city. I'm the evil Stepmother.
Guitar learning is not going so well. Sigh. I wish I was a faster learner.
I'm still pursuing my Chinese. I'm hoping to spend a lot of time out and about working on it this holiday.

That is all. For now.

The Dress

2011-12-05T09:27:00.001+08:00

I went to the tailor on Wednesday. The dress was perfect. He made exactly what I wanted. Even the color. After "Zheige"ing (This-ing) and "Neige"ing (That-ing), I was sure I was going to end up with a fire-engine-red tube-top, with a drape attached to cover my knees. My fault, not his. My lack of language, not his lack of ability or comprehension.

So apparently I'm not able to make an appropriate face while taking a picture of the dress. But here it is.

Nothing super fancy but comfortable and exactly what I wanted. Yay!

The ball was fun-ish. It was a like a grown-up prom...which was a little strange. I go to teen-age dances several times a year but this was one of my first grown-up dances. What's interesting is that it's still the same, regardless of the age. Fancy dresses, strange dancing, loud music, lame games, an overarching them of awkwardness but adult-style.

But the food was delicious. And the high-light was getting all gussied up with my friends. It's the people that 'made' the night for me.

Living on the Edge: Getting Clothes Made in China

2011-11-26T21:49:00.002+08:00

Next Saturday is a really fancy party here in Qingdao called "The Winter Ball". It's a formal affair, tuxes, prom dresses, the whole nine yards. They're calling the ball "Glamorous Hollywood of the 1930s".

I've been invited by my school to go and schmooze with other expats living here in the city. Not because I'm glamorous. It's because I have a big mouth and can make conversation with a doorknob.

I'm super excited, mostly because it's a free dinner and a chance to get all dolled up. The problem is, I had good intentions of buying a party dress this summer to bring back with me (because you KNOW the Chinese people don't make my size) but well, here I am a week prior to the ball and no dress. Where's Fairy God-mother when you need her? Not that I want to arrive at the shindig in an overgrown pumpkin but I sure could use some help with the outfit. And shoes. And hair. And makeup.

For the last few weeks I've been contemplating going to a tailor/seamstress to get a dress made. Between traveling to two different countries, planning special events at school, auditioning for a play and trying to keep up with normal life stuff, I just haven't had time to go. And let's be honest, getting myself measure by a 12 pound, 4 foot Chinese woman, surrounded by all her co-workers and their kids gawking at me like I'm the best thing they've seen since rice balls made their way to China, just isn't something I get excited about. And, of course all this would be happening while I'm bumbling with my Chinese, mostly saying phrase like, "I want" or "I don't want", "This. Not this" and pretending that I understand what she's saying, when in reality, I'm just grunting in all the right places.

For those reasons, I've never gone to the tailor. I always buy my stuff in America and have it shipped here. Not ideal but way better than the humiliation of being a freak show.

I decided to bite the bullet yesterday. On a friend's suggestion, I went to a new tailor. He's got a nice private little shop in another part of town than where we usually go. He's a little more expensive but from what I can tell, he's pretty good.

Here's the thing when dealing with Chinese in any thing that is in any way "western". It's like they lose their minds. The Chinese have good sense but when it comes to making something or doing something western, a lot of times, they just don't get it. It's almost like they're so scared of us that they do whatever they can, as quickly as they can, with as little trouble as they can, hoping (thinking) it'll work. No pizza sauce for the pizza, let's use ketchup. Making a t-shirt with English words on it? Who cares what it says or how it's spelled, just throw some letters together, it's basically the same thing. Now, this is a generalization that is not true of all Chinese. And in the future, the more "westerness" infiltrates the country, the less all of this will be true.

Anyway, back to my story. Knowing the above about getting "western" things in China has just reinforced my unwillingness to have something made. Making clothing that fits a western body is really difficult. My body specifically...well, almost impossible.

I decided to go in completely prepared. I made diagrams, photos-shopped pictures, and had 2 differnt hands-on examples.


Here's the original. I wore this to the Royal Wedding Party.


Here's the photo-shopped version. I wanted an A-line dress with a long-sleeve sweater.

This is the diagram that I took. Google Translate might've helped. The tailor laughed when I opened my computer in his shop.

He seemed to understand me. I hope I understood him. I didn't take material with me. I just kind of pointed at some colors and fabrics that he already had and said, "this, this, this". He acted like he knew what I was saying. It was a little bit of a circus, me touching every roll of fabric, him watching me, me coming back to the computer to point some more, him watching me, me showing him my examples again, him watching me...

I did have to give up on the sweater. It was just one step too far. For me and him.

So, I go in Wednesday to take a looky-lou. I have super low expectations. All, and I mean all, of my friends who've had clothing made here have either had to go in for sizing at least four times before it's even wearable or give up on it completely because it's just so "off".

I'll keep you posted. If it's a hit, I'll take pictures. If it's a miss, I'll take pictures. Either way, I'll share the experience with the four of you that still read this blog.

Regardless of the dress, I have other things to worry about. I have plans to try and curl my hair like Mae West (she defines 1930's glam) wear lots of costume jewelry and have at least one feather in my hair (maybe some netting and a little hat too).

Bullet Points # 732

2011-10-30T22:37:00.004+08:00

My life is a whirlwind of activity these days and has been since the first day of school. I'm keeping up my regularly busy fall schedule. I spend most days and nights out and about doing awesomely cool stuff but it drains me of most of my socialness and therefore my blog is well, moved to the bottom of the list of the millions of things I have to/get to do. So, here goes my brain dump...

My friends and I started a new English Corner here at my apartment complex. We have a new coffee shop so it was an easy way to make new Chinese friends in a convenient location. It's been really neat.
I just got back from Shenyang, China. I coached JV Boys Volleyball this year (4th year coaching, 1st year coaching boys). It was a blast! Such a great group of boys. We didn't do very well in placement at the tournament, but the guys did a phenomenal job with a lot of their skills. They were actually much better and further advanced than most of the other JV teams, they just weren't as consistent. But it was a really fun weekend with all 40 students that went. Our varsity boys took 1st and our varsity girls took 2nd. Yay!
Speaking of fun this weekend, I spent about an hour in the airport last night playing Korean group games with my students (someday I'll do a blog about Korean games because they're fascinating). Both games we played had to do with rhythm, chanting, and a few other things I'm not very good at. Hence the massive bruise on my leg where I was slapping it over and over and over. I guess I was so caught up in the concentration of the game (i.e. trying to stay on beat) that I didn't realize how hard I was hitting myself. Oh man, those kids and their games. Good stuff.
I leave for Seoul, Korea on Wednesday. I'm (and 2 other chaperones) taking 18 students for our first MUN conference of the year. It should be fun. It's a chance to hang with the students, eat good American food ( can you say HOT Krispy Kreme?), and maybe see a few beautiful men near the American army base. Oh, and there's a great Mexican restaurant and a used book store. Yay!
I just dyed my hair. As in while I was writing this blog. It's a really dark red. Like celebrating-autumn-with-my-head red. (Mom, it will only convince you further that I am in fact turning Asian.)
I have done nothing to celebrate Fall (except enjoy some pumpkin muffins, SO delish!) (oh, and now my hair). It makes me sad. Fall is my favorite time of year. Partially because it includes my birthday but mostly because it's beautiful. The leaves change, the weather gets chilly, apple in all its forms (pie, crisp, cider, etc.) and chili and pumpkin and cranberries and turkey are expected to participate in most meals, there's trick-or-treating, and Thanksgiving and football games all bundled up in blankets and sweatshirts...sigh...I just LOVE Fall.Of course, here in China, Fall mostly means the smell of coal burning and the leaves turning from green to yellow to dead quickly. But, I'll take what I can get
It's weird that I know nothing about what's happening in America with the whole "Occupy Wall Street"/ 99% stuff. I pride myself in keeping up with my home country but I just haven't stayed on top of things lately. It seems like it's a big deal but I can't really seem to find good solid answers. Everyone's SO polarized with their opinions that nothing is unbiased enough to read. Kind of frustrating.
I'm in a Fantasy Football league with some of my family members. They have a family cup and everything. I stink. I seriously don't think I could be doing any worse than I actually am. So much for impressing them with my mad FF skills. I'll have to find another way. Maybe March Madness. Didn't do so badly with that last year.
I know I have 14 bazillion more things to tell you. I've been creating a running list for weeks now. But...I can't seem to remember any of it. I'll have to post another one of these really soon.

Must go to bed. Me and my scarlet hair.

It's Official. I'm Old.

2011-10-08T23:03:00.002+08:00

Blurry, but Me. With antlers.

I am officially "in my 30's". Turning 31 didn't really count because it's so close to 30 which is so close to 29. And 29, as you know is still very young. But 32...32 is WELL into the 30's.

Sigh.

I'm old. Not in a compared-to-a-75-year-old-sort-of-way. Not even in the look-like-a-32-year-old-sort-of-way. We all know I still look like I'm 18. Arg. More in a my-brain-still-thinks-it's-23-but-wait-where-did-all-these-memories-come-from-sort-of-way.

32.

It's so close to that "is she going to be an old maid?" age. You know what I mean. When a single women reaches a certain age, people start to stumble over their words when they say things like "oh, you'll understand when you're married" or "just wait until you have kids". It's like there's a giant vacuum in the room that just sucks out the air. "Oh crap! I just said that out loud. To HER!" As if they've just said the one thing I can't bare to have implied when we both know "IT" (marriage and children) may never happen. They're embarrassed because they're sure they've just kicked the elephant in the room. And I'm embarrassed because they're embarrassed because they think I should be embarrassed.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be married and have a bus-load of babies. In all shapes, sizes and colors. Babies, not husbands. And maybe someday it will happen. I hope it does.

But let me set you straight. And by "you". I don't mean YOU. I mean those of "them" that think I just HAVE to be dissatisfied. Well, if that applies to you then I suppose I do mean YOU.

I'm 32. I'm single. And I'm content. Say it with me you who think that a woman can only be fulfilled when she's got a man and a gaggle of offspring strapped to her back: "32. Single. Content." Yes, ladies and gentlemen it is possible.

Content. Joyful. Dare I say "happy"? God and I have been discussing this whole singleness issue for close to a year now. After a lot of questions and talking and even some tears, I've come to the conclusion that I trust God. It's one thing to say it. "Of course I trust God." We all say it. "Yes, I trust God. Enough to move to China, even". But I've found moving to another continent is easy-cheesy when compared to looking at FOREVER being single and realizing that that is what He WANTS for me (as far as I can see). But I've chosen to believe this is true---> He has His BEST in Mind For Me. My singleness MUST be included in that. It doesn't make sense to me sometimes. But I'm making a choice to trust Him, even if I'm single for. the. rest. of. my. life.

I REALLY mean that last paragraph...most of the time. I only renege every once in awhile...mostly around holidays or when I have something really heavy to carry up my five flights of stairs. Or need to figure out electrical things like what kind of wires to buy to hook up my laptop to my TV.

So...I had no intention to write about "singleness" in this post. It was really just going to be about getting older, about how I tend to evaluate life a little more with each passing year, about how I'm pushing myself to learn new things (like the guitar), about how I'm finally going to buy a TV for my gift this year after not having one since I moved out on my own. I was going to reflect on the things I've done and the things still left to do. Maybe even write a bucket list. I was going to discuss how at 32 I know less then I thought I did at 23, how time seems to go faster every year that goes by, how relationships seem to get harder and yet more important with each birthday. I was even considering telling you about how big changes seem to be headed this way over then next 12 months.

But I suppose all of that will have to wait until next year. Of course, who knows where I'll be in a year, physically, mentally (hopefully still sane) and geographically. Oh the surprises 12 months can bring. Exciting, isn't it?

Random Thoughts #212

2011-09-08T21:48:00.003+08:00

Lots of things to write about but nothing worthy of a full post...bullet points are best.

I'm coaching my 4th year of JV volleyball this year. I played volleyball all the way through my JH and HS years and it's one of my passions. I love coaching JV because they're malleable and it's so neat to see how much they improve. Something new and exciting is that this is my first time coaching boys. I am having a blast.
I have recently discovered that I'm very self-centered in one area (I'm sure more than one but one in particular has been brought to my attention lately) of my life. So much so, that I didn't even know it was happening. Yes, it was that bad. Marching on towards improvement. It's just mind blowing to have something brought to your attention when you had no idea you were doing it. Arg.
It's kind of like my hair sniffing. Apparently, I sniff my own hair. A lot. I never knew it. Someone brought it to my attention several months ago and I was horrified. I mean, really. Who wants to be known as the hair sniffer!?! How can one do something so bizarre and not know it? I wore my hair up for 2 months straight. I now no longer sniff my hair, unless I do, but then I at least notice I'm doing it. Usually. Hopefully.
My new Model United Nations program seems to be working well. I feel like I'm still a step behind because it's all so new but I think it's going to come together with a few tweaks here and there.
I love living alone. Love. It. I spend all day and most evenings with people and then I get to come home to a completely silent house. It's the perfect.
I'm learning the guitar...ish. I've decided that it's really time. I'm going to do it. I've learned 4 chords which is 4 more than I've ever known before. They may not sound great and it may take me 8 minutes to transition between each chord, but dang it, I know them.
My communication skills are being honed. I've had to have some really difficult conversations this week, several of them actually, and if nothing else, I'm learning how to effectively communicate.
Words of the week: intentional, pursue, community, initiate, love.
This is a really boring list. I've been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to spice it up...clearly, no such luck.

A Fishbowl Life

2011-09-07T00:13:00.002+08:00

The theme of 75% of my conversations this week have been about "community". No, not the t.v. show. Although, I do feel as if my life here, in this community, could probably be made into an interesting reality-show-slash-musical (I threw in the musical because it's my lifelong dream to be in a musical. All that singing and dancing just makes me happy. Unless we're talking about Sweeny Todd. Then it makes me really, really sad).

I (definitely) digress.

Questions a few of us have been throwing around...What is a community, in the real sense of the word? Who's included in that community? How does a loving community work? What are the boundaries? Are there boundaries? Who gets included? Who does the including? When is being exclusive okay? Is it ever okay? How do you build deep, meaningful friendships without coming across as exclusive?

In a normal setting (referring to my life back in America), I had several different friend groups. Sometimes they mingled together but mostly they were separate. Church friends, work friends, old students, current students, families, etc. As long as we made time for each other at some point, everyone was pretty much happy. No one really noted who, when, what, where, how long.

I don't live in a normal setting now. I live in a fishbowl.

I am surrounded by the same people all the time in work, play, church, and any other extra-curricular activity. And it has some major consequences, good and not-as-good. It has the potential and usual outcome of great friendships, automatic accountability, help (physical, spiritual, social) when needed, and a general sense of being-taken-care-of-and-cared-about. But, just like any house with glass walls, it leaves room for little privacy and can cause a sense of community over-awareness. When the people in your community know where you go, what you do and who you spend your time with all day, every day, life can get very complicated. Spending a lot of time with one group makes it very apparent of who you're not spending time with. It becomes noticeable when you don't show up or who you show up with. It can be noted who you talk to when you're in a group or who you don't talk to, who you take time to get to know and who you don't, who you have over to your house and who you don't.

There are about 150 people within my immediate community. Probably half of that amount are people that I eat, play, worship, travel, and work with during a normal week. Within that crowd, I have been blessed to find a small accountability group. People that I have invested a lot of time, honest communication, and hard work into. They call me out when I'm wrong, discuss deep theological questions, let me cry even when it's silly, encourage me, take care of me, try to understand me. We build each other up, sharpen each other...I have learned so much from these people. It's intentional. It's deep. It's precious to me.

We are, in this small group of mine, trying to figure out how to do life together in the in the right way within the bigger group. Balance, love, thoughtfulness, inclusion, while still maintaining the closeness and accountability of the group within the group.Tricky, it seems. Super tricky.

Is it possible to have a group within a group without being a "click", exclusive, hurtful?

I hope so. There are so many friendships within the larger group that I want to continue to pursue, to strengthen, to enjoy, to learn from. But I need my smaller group too. I need that accountability and familiarity, that spiritual bond, that love and acceptance even when the truth is known.

But mostly I want to do what's right, what's edifying for the body, what's commanded of me: to love my neighbor as myself.

I'm hoping after this week, to have a better understanding of what that looks like.

To a New Year...

2011-08-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

I'm almost done with my first real week of teaching and I haven't really even mentioned it yet. So, here goes.

I like my schedule.
I'm happy about the re-vamping of my Model United Nations program.
The teachers' lounge is as awesome as it's always been. Maybe even awesomer. Yes, awesomer.
Technology has been the bane of my existence for the last two weeks. Arg.
I'm coaching volleyball again. Yay!
My classroom has new tables (desks).
I'm drinking coffee like it's going out of style.

School is good.

In all seriousness, I'm happy about the next nine months. They feel full of possibility.I've decided to be more purposeful in my teaching this year. I plan to sit down and write a list of professional goals to accomplish by May. Over the last two years, I've learned so much and really been forced to be a better teacher just because of circumstances. But now that I'm past "survival mode", I feel like I can choose how and where I want to improve. It's exciting really.

Hm, I feel like there's an epiphany coming soon about how I might really enjoy teaching if I'd ever stay in one place long enough...bleh...that's for another post.

Anyway.

As the days pass, the more excited I become to be back in school, teaching, planning for trips and conferences, coaching volleyball, preparing for Vida and fall camps, training new student leaders.

Ya, I foresee a great year in front of me. One of growth and fun and new relationships with both students and staff.

Let's get 'er done.

Embracing the Suck

2011-08-16T22:16:00.003+08:00

I heard a phrase in the teacher's lounge today (one of my favorite places on earth) and decided to use it. The guy who was explaining it to me was saying that when he was a soldier in the army, he learned to do this when he was marching. Hot and sweaty and muddy...it had the potential to be miserable. So instead, he would try to get as hot and sweaty and muddy as possible. He called it, "Embracing the suck".

I literally haven't seen the sun full-on since leaving Colorado. It's seems all I've ever know is the foggy, misty, cloudy, all-consuming gray. It's hot and muggy, sweat pours at all times, day or night.

I'm going to try and embrace the suck. See? I even took a picture to prove that I'm appreciating the beauty of all the shades of haze. And then played around with the coloring...also involves appreciating...

Haze- There's a whole city out there somewhere.

I'm trying to come up with other ways (besides picture taking) to enjoy the really stinky weather we're having (and predicted to have for the next week...or the rest of my life).

Puddle jumping? Fancy new umbrella? Sweat bandana that can double as a neck scarf?

Yep, That's all I can come up with.

New motto: Embrace the Suck.

The Real Deal

2011-08-14T07:55:00.003+08:00

I wrote this post several days ago but didn't post it. Too much honesty. Too much accountability. But after talking with several friends, I've found I'm not the only one having these thoughts. It seems to be a community-wide conviction. Maybe being confronted with death has helped to bring us back to our first Love, helped to remind us why we've chosen to live a life set apart.

_____________________________________________________________________

"Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony.

Frauds! You're like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin you're total frauds."

You have wearied the LORD with your words.

“How have we wearied him?” you ask.

By saying, “All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them”...

For months, God has been working on my insides.

The end of school last year, my last two weeks in America this summer, coming back here, this weekend...it all seems to be pointing me in the same direction.

Am I really going to live the life Christ has called me to live, or am I going to continue to be a fraud? A fraud with the best intentions, but a fraud none-the-less.

As I prepared to lead worship this weekend, feeling more nervous than I have in a long time, I was constantly reminded that it is SO not about me. It's not about my abilities or talents or words or the band or the songs. It's about the heart, what's on the inside. It's about meaning the words I'm singing.

But it's more than that. And I crave that "more". The "more" of living a life holy and acceptable, a life constantly dying to self, being holy because He is holy.

This is what I've been thinking about for months, knowing God is calling me to do it. I mean, He's commanded us all to this kind of life but specifically ~~working on~~ banging, clanging, pounding on the inside of me...

The question is, am I really willing? Am I willing to make radical changes in my life? Or am I going to continue to actively ignore the Holy Spirit? As if talking about change is enough, acknowledging the need, even making small changes, but not really doing what I am being called to do.

I don't even know if I know what that kind of life looks like, how to really be in the world and not of it. And I'm not just talking about not watching Glee or not listening to Lil Wayne or not drinking beer. I'm talking about loving people so much it hurts. About following Him where ever He leads, even if it means staying right where I am for a decade. About making hard choices that go against the popular Christian social norms. About looking at every aspect of my life and making sure that it's glorifying to God, living a life that's radically different and yet so appealing that it draws others to Him. And doing it all with the sole purpose of loving God, totally and completely surrendered to Him.

Blast! A rock and a hard place, that's what I'm in. I want to do right, but I want it to be easy. And I want to not have to do it all the time. Only when it's convenient for me or when I feel Super -convicted (different than just normal-convicted).

Ha! And there's the heart of the issue.

Me. I get in the way. I'm always in the way.

But what James 4:17 says has been ringing in my head for weeks. If I know the good I ought to do and don't do it, it is sin.

And that, folks, is where I'm at. And you?

The Same Old Same Old

2011-08-13T15:23:00.000+08:00

I have the same classes. The same classroom. The same school. The same job. The same house. The same non-roommate. The same fellowship. The same city. The same routines. A lot of the same.

And I love it. Since graduating from college, this is the first year ever that I'm not dealing with some major change in my life, i.e. new house, new job, new roommate, new city, new country.

It makes me happy to be surrounded by the comfortable and known in my immediate circle of life. That in and of itself is new. And I plan to cherish it.

But I also plan to push myself to do new. Start new ministry and build new friendships.I find when I stay in my comfort zone for too long, life begins to stagnate. I retreat inside of myself and become more self-centered and less aware of those around me. And that's not why I moved here, to live a life completely about me. I moved here to be used in my community. I'm asking that I would be made aware of just what that means and that I would be willing to do it, whatever that "it" is.

I love the old but bring on the new!

Follow Up Pics...

2011-08-12T15:23:00.000+08:00

First Day of School Outfits...Carolyn, Beth, Karen, Me, Jane

Half of Team Awesome

2nd Day of School- Matchy Matchy Pinks.

On the way home from dinner...RAWR!!

We love a man in uniform.

So, I ended up wearing part of my "second day of school" outfit on the first day which then messed up the second day outfit. I had to regroup and start over. And the rest of the pics are from dinner after our second day. Good times.

Jean Jumpers and Apple Sweaters Are NOT An Option

2011-08-10T00:15:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow (which will be today in about 18 minutes) is the first day of school. I have bulletin boards unfinished, syllabi to still type up, lesson plans to write, students to meet with, checklists to create, attendance records to fill in...needless to say, I am SO not ready.

Ready or not, it's here.

The REAL problem is...

I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M WEARING yet. How is that possible??? All week I've been thinking about what's in my closet and I just can't come up with an outfit that's perfect for the first day of school. This is a very important decision, you see. Or maybe you don't see.

What a teacher wears on the first day really does affect not only how the teacher feels about herself within the classroom, but also how the students view her. Is she serious? Fun? Stylish? Lazy? Immature? Not relevant? Kids pick up on these things...and clothes, whether we like to admit it or not, say a lot about a person. Wrinkles, heels, cardigans, panty-hose, stains, dress pants, t-shirts, short skirts, khakis, sandals, turtlenecks, high-water pants, fishnets, skirts, suits...all convey a message. Some good, some neutral, and some that are never okay regardless of age, sex, place of employment, race, or religion.

So much pressure.

I have something for the second day all picked out and ready to wear. Don't even ask how that works, how I have something for Thursday but not tomorrow. It's just that the shoes I want to wear will be too uncomfortable and not really practical for all the stuff going on tomorrow. AND I'm afraid it'll look like I'm trying too hard. You want to look like you care but not like you care too much. It's a tricky balance. Better to save it for the second or maybe even third day.

Arg.

I'm off to the closet to take another look. I have 5 hours to get it sorted out. I'll keep you posted on what I choose. Maybe. Unless I hate it. If I end up hating it, we will not be discussing this again.

I Can't See Clearly Now, The Rain is Not Gone

2011-08-06T09:06:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling different shades of haze these days. There are things and sub-things rolling around like marbles in my head not ready to be complete thoughts yet.

A new school year
   ready?
   not ready?
Downshifting from an exhausting and emotional summer
   missing people
   processing thoughts and feelings
   learning from circumstances, some made, some given to me
Slap-me-in-the-face change
   friends that moved away
   a little boy who's gone forever but so NOT forgotten
   a new boss
Mixing up of groups
   new people
   old people in new places
   new friends?
Transitions
   what's important to learn?
   what am I missing?
   we are all experiencing it, am I showing grace?
Ministry
   what does it look like this year?
   wanting to do everything and nothing at the same time
   leading worship tomorrow, feeling very nervous for some reason
Next year
   staying?
   going?
   where and why?

I am so very happy to be home. I'm just feeling all jumbled up inside. And not in a depressed, moody way. More in a life-is-awesome-but-I-can't-see-anything-clearly sort of way. I'm quite sure it has to do with jet lag and adjustments and Jesus, all rolled into one. I plan to take some time today to rest and pray and spend extra time in the Word. Oh and shop for the typhoon party.

Seriously? A typhoon?

Au Revoir Old Pal

2011-07-31T05:11:00.001+08:00

I will miss fast internet and carpeted floors,

little doggies and palm trees.

I will miss having conversations with the bank teller

because he speaks English and enjoys small talk.

I will miss Walmart, Target and Walgreens.

I will miss easy grocery shopping, drive-thru Starbucks,

and the Rocky Mountains.

I will miss parents and brother and friends.

I will miss Barnes & Nobles and cheap Shampoo.

I will miss the freedom of going where I want to go

when I want to go there.

I will miss listening to Christian radio any time I want to.

-----------------------------------------------------

I will not miss engine lights, car problems or gas prices.

I will not miss sleeping on the cot in the living room or

living out of suitcases.

I will not miss leaving tips or paying food tax.

I will not miss commercials, crappy TV or American

consumerism.

I will not miss complicated technology, having everything

at my fingertips, or the debt crisis.

It took me about 2 weeks to re-adjust to America, but adjust I did. It's hard to live in dual realities so I kind of had to forget about my life in China and be all here. I gained back my ability to spend money, eat out, enjoy movies on cable, the freedom of driving. But I can't wait to get back to my five flights of stairs to my apartment, walking to a restaurant for dinner, no TV, and overall simpler life.

Thanks for the all the fun America! See you in a year or two.

I leave you with...

THE Road Trip- Thank Yous

2011-07-28T15:24:00.002+08:00

This trip was made possible by the following people:

My parents- thank you so much for letting me take your good car away from you for 5 weeks only to return it to you with broken parts that needed to be fixed. I REALLY appreciate the sacrifice you made in letting me use it and the money you've spent to fix it. I recognize how big of a deal it was to trust me with it for so long a journey.

The C's, Z's, M's, P's, and O's- thank you so much for opening your home to me. Thank you for taking care of me, making me meals, giving me a bed to sleep in, spending extra money on me. Especially the M's. Two and a half weeks is a long time to put up with me. Seriously.

My friends in China- thanks for praying me through.

THE Road Trip- Part Deuce

2011-07-28T15:14:00.000+08:00

I learned a few things on this trip.

1. I still don't have it all together. I'm not above making poor choices, needing to ask forgiveness, having to learn from my mistakes. I hate to learn things the hard way. But sometimes that's the only way. Hopefully, they are lessons I only have to learn once.

2. I have a lot of people all over the country that really love me. Not just because I'm the "fun one" but because they value me. That...surprised me. I mean, I love them. I appreciate them. I wanted to see them. But it blew me away, the effort that was made by many to make sure they saw me. People took off work, cancelled plans, drove hours back and forth every weekend, came home from college, bought me gifts, made me meals, worked out special plans, let me choose how/what/when/where, paid for movies, dinners, gas, coffee, wrote cards...loved on me. They loved on me the way I needed to be loved.

3. I hate cars. More specifically, I hate car problems. If you've known me long, you know that I've had some HORRIBLE car experiences. I had about a year while living down in Florida where my car was in the shop at least twice a month or more. I've dealt with blown engines and transmissions, broken radiators (helped change it myself), more flat tires than anyone should ever deal with (I popped three during my first month after I got my license), oil leaks, car accidents, broken windows and trunks...needless to say, I've been scarred for life. Anyway, the day before I left South Florida, the car (which up to this point had been perfect) began doing crazy things with the oil pressure. After a mini-freakout, a tow, a good look-over, and an oil change, I was back on the road with the assurance from the car guys that everything was fine. But it wasn't. The car continued it's craziness for the rest of the trip with a hope and many prayers from me that it wasn't anything serious and that I wasn't ruining the car by driving it for another 3,000 miles with the oil light on. Long story short, I got home and it wasn't anything major. Praise God. But after living with a knot in my stomach for two weeks every time I turned the key, I was glad to give it back to the parentals.

4. Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them. Remember when you thought that was the best song ever? Seriously though, this trip has reconfirmed that when you have a spiritual bond with someone, it just makes it easier to pick up where you left off. There's something about having God in common that makes things like time and distance inconsequential.

5. Saying goodbye is always hard. In some ways, saying goodbye this time was harder than it was the first time. I think it's because I really don't know when I'll see many of them again, if ever. I'm not sure if I'm coming back next summer and when I do finally return, I doubt I'll do the US tour again. Things change, people move, people change...who knows. And that makes me sad. Really sad.

6. I love my life in China. If you've read this post, then you know that one of the most FAQs is "How's China?". I was probably asked this question or some form of it at least 200 times on this trip. A little irritating but also helpful. Being asked the same questions over and over helped me to really figure out how I feel about my life in China. To process through my thoughts, feelings and experiences from the last two years. What did I figure out? My life in China is awesome and I'm super content there. God has provided for me in every area of my life, in the big and small things. He has blessed me so much more than I deserve. And honestly, I can't wait to get back to it.

There's more to add but I'm still working through it.

THE Road Trip- Part A

2011-07-28T15:03:00.000+08:00

Over 6000 miles. 31 days. 19 states. 5 homes. 2 hotels. Every person I've ever met. Stops: Indiana, Ohio, Virginia, Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, Home.

It's about 6,400 miles from Loveland, Colorado to Qingdao, China. If that gives you any perspective.

Indianapolis- Went to my old church and enjoyed some incredible worship. Twice. Had great conversations with people from my old Bible study. Sat and talked about ministry and life with a fellow worship pastor. Stayed at the only hostel in the state of Indianapolis. Went to a friend's wedding. Saw friends from China.

Toledo- Spent time with a couple I used to work with in Florida. Treated like royalty. Shopped. Ate good food. Hung out with some sweet dogs. Rested. Enjoyed a beautiful back yard full of trees and flowers.

Virginia- Stayed with a family that I used to work with. Taught their kids (who are now grown...yikes!) These boys will probably rule the world someday. Or be rich and famous. One or the other. Staying with them felt like family. They're salt-of-the-earth kind of people. We laughed a lot. Set off fireworks. Went putt-putting (I won by the way). Ate fresh fruits and vegetables from their amazing garden. And home-made ice cream. HOME-MADE! Got to say good-bye to sweet little Sarah-dog.

Florida- Moved in to a house, worked with her, taught a couple of the sons, great friends, like family. I had a lizard for a roommate. Celebrated the 4th with them. Laughed and played a lot. It was like being in my own home. Love these people. Got to see a lot of people. Sang at church a few times. Met friends for coffee, found closure, talked about moving to Africa. Went to the beach and the pool. Got a bit of a tan. Ate delicious Cuban food. Game night with my game-night friends. Lots of lunches and dinners with good people. Great conversations, hard learning experiences. Saw some good movies. Listened to great music. Read some interesting books. Sang with some of my favorite people. Slept in, stayed up late, kept really busy. Karaoke, dancing, laughter, fun. Saw old co-workers, best friends, favorite people, a healthy church, my pastor, students, "family", new friends.

Alabama- One of my best friends from college and former roommate when I lived in Indianapolis. Shopped, ate, talked, reminisced. Got to know the new husband a bit better. A time of catch-up.Another friend, a mentor. A delicious lunch and laughs about my Scarlet Fever. A short but well-worth-it stop.

Tennessee- My old roommate from Florida. Knows me better than most people. I'm the most ridiculous version of myself with her. The biggest one-upper I know. And I love it. Went swimming, grilled out, hung out with Diego dog. Again, a brief but fantastic visit.

I'm a quality-timer and this trip was filled with a lot quality time with some of my closest friends, with people who've made some of the biggest impacts on my adult life. A lot of laughter, reminiscing, deep conversations, a few tears, reaffirming of the bond of friendship, some growth and some closure.

I spent most of my time exhausted. It's just a lot of work to do all that talking and soul searching and working out of things. Necessary and truly uplifting but hard work. I've learned about myself that I'm a closet introvert. I know this may surprise many of you but it's true. I love people. I love building relationships. I love getting to know new people. But I must have time to recharge or I just become a dud. And I'm afraid that by the end of my trip, I was a little less outgoing, a little less shiny and sparkly. When you're with other people literally 24/7 (except the 100 hours of driving...which also wore me out), it tends to take a toll. But the truth is, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm so glad I got to see every person I did, visit every place I went to, spend as much time with people as I did. Yah, it was tiring but I don't care about that for my sake. I just felt bad for those that weren't able to see the normal me.

Maybe if I ever do this kind of trip again (yah right!), I'll go in the opposite order.

To be continued...

My Top Ten FAQ's About China

2011-07-07T11:07:00.008+08:00

1. "How's China?"
China is awesome. I love my job and the people I work with. The city I live in is beautiful. I've got great friends. God is teaching me lots of things. Yep, I'm really happy. If you want to know more, feel free to ask something a little more specific.

2. "How's your Chinese?"
You would be embarrassed for me if you knew how little Chinese I actually knew. I'd like to say it's because I'm around English speakers all day but... I can get around town, shop, use very basic sentences. That's it. I have the goal to greatly improve in my language skills this year.

3. "Have you gotten a Chinese boyfriend yet?"
*Blink* *Blink* No, as a matter of fact I have not.
"No Ching Chang Chong in your life?"
No, I have not found me a...Ching Chang Chong.

4. "Do you miss home?"
Well, because I've moved so much in my life, I don't really have a home here in America. China is my home and I'm quite happy there. If you mean, "Do I miss America?", my answer would still have to be "no". I miss the people. Of course I miss the people. And I miss some of the conveniences like pre-made salads and sandwich meats but as a whole, I don't really feel homesick for America.

5. "When are you moving back to America?"
When I moved to China, it was with the intention of forever. I sold almost all of my earthly possessions and have no home to move back to. That being said, if God moved me back that'd be great. But at this point, I plan to stay overseas and specifically China for an undetermined amount of time.

6. "Have you eaten dog?"
No, I haven't eaten dog. I probably could find a restaurant in my city that sells it but I choose not to. The Chinese actually love dogs as pets. And they pamper them just like Americans do. I've seen dressed up and toe-nail painted dogs all over the place.

7. "What about cat?"
No, no cat. As far as I know, the Chinese do not eat cat. They eat donkey, horse, cow, lamb, probably some goat, pig, chicken, and a lot of tofu. But no cat.

8. "What do you do in your free time?"
Good question. I spend a lot of time at Starbucks, working and talking. I go see movies, eat out with friends, walk around town watching Chinese people watching me, shop at markets, read books, travel...mostly the same stuff I would do in America except with a twist. The movies have Chinese sub-titles, the food's mostly Asian, I'm stared at, I have to barter at the market and so on. Oh yes, and I watch ridiculous videos on Youtube like this one and this one.

9. "When the Chinese speak English, they can't say words with the "L" sound in them, can they? You know like in "The Christmas Story" when that family goes to the Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner and the Chinese waiters sing Deck the Halls and pronounce the "Fa la la la la la la la la" as "Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra". Isn't that true?"
Um, well, they do have a hard time saying the "L" sounds but...it's not really that noticeable. And most of the Chinese people that speak English work very hard to speak it correctly. I mean, there are at least 3 sounds in the Chinese language that I struggle with saying. And they are very gracious with my attempts. So...I guess I just don't even notice it when they struggle with some of our sounds.

10. Are you taller than all the Chinese people?
Well, it depends on what part of China I'm in. Anywhere west or south then yes, I'm probably a foot taller than most of them. But in my province and northern China, the people are much taller. I'm probably the average height of the men there. Which is nice. It was unexpected. I was sure that I would tower over everyone there. Yay!

Happy

2011-07-05T13:35:00.002+08:00

I'm only blogging to let the world know that I am actually alive (and by "world" I mean the 13 of you that actually read this blog). I'm in the middle of my 5 week-long road trip across America so life is crazy. I've driven 3100 miles and crossed 12 states (big ones) so far. I am now resting comfortably in South Florida among people that are almost family. I've even unpacked my suitcases.

My stops thus far have included Indianapolis (and Wabash)/Indiana, Toledo/Ohio, Amherst/Virginia, and now Hollywood/Florida. I'm here for two more weeks and have grand plans that include lunches and family dinners, BBQs and the beach, ladies night out and game night, church and helping with worship and maybe a trip to the Keys. And anything else I can fit into my time here.

I've been so busy and tired. It's a lot of work to drive so far, talk so much, and then leave again. But it's been absolutely worth it. And it's not because I'm doing all of these amazing things. It's because I'm seeing all of these people and it's so totally normal. Comfortable. Like we've never been apart. Now, that's a sign of a good friendship. To spend years away from each other and still pick up where you left off. I've been able to do that in every place I've visited.

I'm very happy. I'm happy that I'm getting to love on and be loved on by amazing people for two months. And I'm happy that at the end of July, I get to go back to a place that I love, where there are people that I love and that love me.

When people ask me "how is China?", I usually respond with, "It's awesome." and then go into something about how good God has been. And then I feel that I have to explain that I know that God is always good, regardless of my circumstance but that the last year has been this amazing time of growth and tangible goodness in my life. And then the person that I'm talking to usually says something along the lines of, "I can tell that you really mean that. Your face just lights up when you talk about China".

It's true. It's great to be here among all of my friends and family. But I'm so glad that I'm homesick for China and my life there. It's a good sign to be so content here (yes, I know, it took a couple of weeks to get there) and still deeply miss there.

I promise to do my best to keep you posted on life. I actually have several blogs partially written or in my head that I just haven't posted yet. Maybe I'll get around to them...

Gettin' My Hairs Did

2011-06-24T10:11:00.001+08:00

There are a few experiences I've been hesitant slash straight-out-defiant about trying while living in China.

Things I absolutely refuse to try would include riding in a three wheeled taxi shaped like a triangle, Korean massages (must be done buck naked...no explanation needed), and eating grilled bugs on a stick.

Things I'm hesitant about would include swimming in the ocean, eating dried sea food, and walking on the beach at night. Or during the day for that matter (sand cockroaches...need I say more?).

Another thing on my hesitant list would be getting a haircut, something about a language barrier and the Chinese Stylists' idea that they really do know best, regardless of what I actually want. I'm pretty picky about what happens to my hair. That may surprise many of you who only see my hair pulled into a messy knot at the back of my head 5 months out of the year (I blame the humidity...and my laziness) but I really do. Haircuts usually mean digging out any pair of scissors I can find and semi-carefully snipping away in the bathroom until I've gotten rid of most of the mange at the ends. Which I guess doesn't sound like I'm picky but if someone's going to screw it up, it may as well be me.

I've been cutting my own hair for many, many years. Mostly it works out well but I do recall a time in middle school where I cut my bangs so short they were literally poking straight out. I just couldn't get them straight and before I knew it, I only had about a half an inch of hair left in the front. Yah, I learned early on that unevenness is always better than little sprockets of hair. Always.

You see, I've almost never had a good haircut from a salon. It's either too short or not layered enough or they styled it weird. I went and had my hair done for my Junior Spring Banquet (Christian prom) and left in tears. They used the smallest curling iron size, a ratting comb and a half a bottle of Auquanet. Think scary '60s hair wig but uglier. Needless to say, it scarred me for life.

So, take all my hair-issue-baggage, add to that a language and cultural barrier, multiply it by my nervousness, and you get me, a sweating, panting ball of panic in a rockin' Chinese hair salon (they had purple fur on the ceiling. Seriously).

Go big or go home, they say...don't they? Whoever "they" are. Not only was I going to get my hair cut, but I decided to get it chemically (permanently) straightened as well. Actually, it was the fancy version called "Magic Straight". Magic Straight includes not only the straight part but also a nice little curl at the ends so they're not so pokey. A lot of the women I work with have had it done and it looked fantastic. Their hair always looked good. And it made me jealous. My long-time fear of hair salons eventually lost out to my ever-growing jealousy of awesome hair so I decided to bring on the ammonia.

Let the "Magic" begin...

A very helpful friend (the one who talked me into going), already there and almost finished with getting her hair done, had an entire page full of English phrases translated into Chinese that one might need in a situation like this. And by "situation", I mean a "non-Chinese-speaking-foreigner-going-into-a-non-English-speaking-hair-salon-and-asking-for-a-really-complicated-hairstyle-and-chemical-process-that-no-motions,-hand gestures-or-pictures-can-adequately-convey-because-we-tried-that-and-it-didn't-work" situation. Even with the awesomeness that was the "phrase page", they still didn't get it. Luckily, my friend had a Chinese friend so we called her, had her explain and then, well, hoped for the best.

So, hairdresser-manager guy (because all the regular hairdressers where pretty fearful of working on me at this point) whisked me away for a wash and then promptly sat me down for the cut. And when I say "cut" I mean "maul". He grabbed chunks of my hair and just chopped. And chopped and chopped. He cut off 4 or 5 inches at a time. My bangs were gathered and trimmed in one quick motion. When he was finished (took about 5 minutes), I didn't even have time to let it settle. He immediately handed me off to the "magic" lady who had finally worked up the courage to deal with the crazy foreigner. I was horrified. All of my friends who've gotten their hair cut in China have these stories of 4 hour haircuts because the cutter person snips each hair individually. This was my expectation. This did not happen. Panic ensued. As soon as he was done, I looked at my friend and said, "I can't do this." And then promptly relayed to the magic lady in motions and panting and sweating and broken Chinese that I didn't want my hair straightened. She, in turn, looked at me like I was crazy and then turned to the non-panting friend and asked what was going on.

My dear, dear, sweet, calm, seeing-things-clearly friend proceeded to try and help me see things in a rational matter, to speak truth into my life. "Jen, I love my hair. I've done this and I love it. You're going to love it too. I'm not trying to talk you into this but REALLY think it through." She's a good woman. I took a few deep breaths...

and decided to go for it. The whole shebang! Bring on the Magic!

Here are some pics during the process...

My head was on fire. The curlers were so hot!

My friend Kelley

Looks like a caterpillar on my forehead. And I look like an 8 year old.
.

Anyway, after five hours of combing and curling and washing and flat-ironing and waiting....

I LOVED IT! I still love it. I love it even more now. I don't have any real pictures to show you as I'm having camera issues but here are a couple pics that I've taken since I've had it done.

Left- Goodbye Banquet in China
Right- Fishing in Estes Park, CO

After all the worry and near panic attack, I can say it was totally worth it. I would definitely do it again.

This experience however does not in any way make me want to reconsider doing any of the things on my "Never-Do" list in China.

I still call him "daddy".

2011-06-20T12:43:00.000+08:00

When you talk to some people, mostly past students, he's the scariest person they know. When you talk to others, he's the greatest musician they've ever heard. In the town I'm visiting, my father is legend. They adore him here. I mean, I know my dad is great, but it's always nice to hear what other people think. "He was the best music leader I've ever known." "He was a great principal." "I love your dad so much. I miss him. Wish he would come down to visit."

After all these years, being a grown woman and all, it's still nice to come home and have a dad who takes care of me. He carries my luggage, buys my meals, fixes up my fishing pole, pays for a new battery in my car, fixes my bed, lets me borrow his car (for a month), grills me up burgers, asks me questions, encourages me, loves me with his actions.

He is a good man, a wonderful husband, a great father.

Thank you dad for your love and your support.

I love you.

Friends Are Fuuuuurever!

2011-06-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

I've been in America for almost two weeks now. I've spent a lot of time with the parentals and brother, spent way too much money, learned how to drive again, finally adjusted to the time change, and eaten some really good food. So far, so good.

The rest of my summer will be filled with friends and family and driving and awesomeness. Next week, I leave for a month long road trip, driving all over the US- Indiana, Ohio, Virginia, Florida, Tennessee and Oklahoma. And maybe a few unplanned stops along the way.

This weekend, I'm in southern Colorado to see extended family and friends. Friends from high school. High school!!! I graduated over a decade ago (barf!) and in fact, I've lived away from here much longer than I actually lived here, and yet, every year or couple of years, we all get together to catch up on each others' lives. We meet new husbands and babies, hear about new jobs and moves, and spend a lot of time reminiscing.

We met in the middle of my 5th grade year, went to middle school and high school together, summer and winter camps together, to the same youth group, on the same M trips. We vacationed together, lived at each other's houses, endured funerals and celebrated weddings. We've supported each other through parents getting divorced, getting remarried, and well, being straight-up crazy. We've taken road trips together (New Mexico?), been in car accidents (including my month of popping tires) together, gotten pulled over together.

They've made me laughed harder than I ever have, cry harder than I ever have, given me some of my very best memories (breaking out into "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" in the middle of class) and some of my very worst.

I am grateful that after 13 years, I can still call these people my friends. I am excited to see them, to catch up again, to spend some time getting reacquainted and a lot of time laughing at the good old days.

The Beans and Buns (Mental) Breakdown

2011-06-10T20:51:00.004+08:00

Today we leave for a camping trip. For those of you who've ever gone on any adventure in the mountains, you know how much preparation it takes to make it successful. Grills must be cleaned and packed, coolers must be washed out and filled, boxes crammed full with foods that can be cooked over the fire, fishing gear restored and purchased, suitcases full of both summer and winter wear because who knows what the weather will do 1.5 miles up in the sky. And then all of this must magically fit into the trunk of a car that will also hold 4 people and two dogs.

We're getting around that impossibility by taking three cars. Yes, three. It has something to do with needing the truck to haul the stuff but the sitting room for more than two people and someone needing to leave early.

Anyway, back to the story.

Yesterday, my mom and I went shopping for all things needed to make it a successful trip (except we forgot like 20 things so someone (me) has to go to the store before we leave and re-shop). My mom thought it would be easier for us to get it done if we split up the work. To make it even easier, she made a list. A typed up list. A typed up list with each item in order of the aisle they are found on (picture taken of said List because it was oh-so-awesome...but not included on this blog because transferring it from camera to computer is too difficult at this time of morning (5am) while everyone is still sleeping...except me. Curse you jetlag!).

The List in hand, I left the car (after a short banter about who should be locking the car, the one with the keys or her) feeling quite confident of my newly given task. Mom took one side of the store, I took the other. I started with soda- Diet Coke, Fresca and Diet Pepsi (who are these people I call family?). Check. Easy-cheesy.

And then at this point things started to get a little tricky. You see, when The List said "Triscuits- Garlic flavor", I was good to go. Precise, simple. When it said, " 2 cans of Bush's baked beans" one had to wonder...original, spicy, southern, mesquite, southwestern? Small, medium or large cans? Will the small be too small? Will the large be too large? What if I get the medium but Mom wanted the large...make a decision!!!! Okay, one large, one small, both original. Crisis diverted. Barely, but diverted nonetheless.

As I moved on to other items, the same cycle occurred over and over again- the questions, the debating, the overwhelmingness.

At one point in the bread aisle, trying to choose what type of buns and loaves, my mother appeared and it was like a hand reaching out to a drowning person...I yelled for help halfway across the store and she, with precision and clarity, yelled back, "Two hamburger buns. One hot dog. A wheat loaf. Cheap." Salvation.

With The List being rather vague and the options being so diverse, well, you can imagine my horror when I got to the last item on my list: coffee. "1 can of store brand coffee". Are you kidding me? There were 32 types of store brand coffee, flavors and sizes...begin: meltdown. Tears welled up, the brain shut down and I was done. D-O-N-E done. I found my mother and let her know that she needed to get the coffee.

I live a very simple life in China. When I go to the store, I buy things based on what I hope they are, something that usually involves a lot of staring, shaking and sniffing before I make the final decision. My choices are at best very limited and at worst, the item isn't even sold in country. In my apartment, I'm alone and therefore don't have to worry about starting or not starting a load of laundry while someone else is in the shower. I don't have a car so things like accidentally leaving a light on and running down the batter or misplacing my keys isn't even an option (yes, I've already done both). I don't actually have a working TV at home. But here, I have a big screen television, with 500+ channels to choose from (how will I ever decide what to watch?). It even has DVR and a bunch of free movies too. My cell phone is the cheapest one sold in China, very basic. I can call and text. That's it. I'm now using a magical phone that has GPS and wi-fi and a touch screen. Very cool. Very complicated.

That's America. Very cool. Very complicated. Lots of choices, lots of extras, lots of stuff.

Reverse Culture Shock? Check.

I'm hoping my time in the mountains, surrounded by simplicity and beauty, will give me a chance to process and evaluate all this. Maybe take some time to consider what's important to me, how much I want to get caught up in all this American awesomeness, where I fit into this country and all its complicatedness.

Things To Note

2011-06-10T01:43:00.001+08:00

I hate the television. I just can't bring myself to sit and watch anything these days. Maybe it's because I've lived without a TV for two years.
While I enjoy the freedom of being able to drive, it wasn't as magical as I thought it would be. Something interesting though...even though it's been two years since I've driven my Honda, I still try to grab for the gear shift where it would be instead of where it is in the car I'm driving now. Weird.
Oh how I heart Cadbury eggs. My good mother saved me a bunch from Easter.
Colorado= the best version of my hair.
I love having a dog around. Two is even better. Especially when they love to cuddle.
Carpet makes me happy. Really, really happy.
My mother cooked breakfast for me this morning. It's been years since someone's made breakfast for me. It was lovely. Green chili on my eggs made it even lovelier.
I miss Starbucks. I will be going later today to get my fix. Well half-fix. Coffee's only part of it. The other would require Team Awesome to be there. But since we're spread all over the US, China and soon to be Korea, I suppose I'll just have to drink a double and suck it up.
We head to a cabin in the mountains tomorrow. Bring on the fishing poles baby!
I've missed dishwashers, garbage disposals, labels written in English, good shampoo, buying clothes, shoes that fit, darkness at 5am and just a short walk to my air-conditioned car.

My Future "Plans"

2011-06-08T21:24:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure why I haven't done this before, maybe it was just an oversight. Or maybe I just didn't want speak too soon.

Many of you have asked what I'll be doing after the summer. Am I returning to China? Will I be back in the States soon? Am I still teaching? Here's the lowdown...

I am returning to my job as a HS teacher at an international school in Qingdao, China after the summer. I will be there for at least one more year as I've signed a one-year contract with them.

After that one year is up, I'm looking into moving to Western China to work at a Chinese school/university teaching English.

BUT...

Really I'm just open to whatever God has in store. That may mean staying in Qingdao or moving to Western China or Russia or Kazakhstan or Eastern Europe or Africa.

I am not planning on moving back to America any time soon but who knows what God has for my future.

I'm trying NOT to put limits on where or what I'll be doing. Just trying to follow Him.

Since We Last Spoke

2011-06-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

I know. It's been weeks. I've been busy, you've been busy. Life just gets in the way sometimes. So, here's a quick update...

The school year is over.
I said goodbye to a lot of friends who are leaving China.
I am now in America for the summer.

There's a lot more to it than that but my heart and brain and fingers can't get together to make coherent thoughts.

No Place Like Home

2011-05-25T12:22:00.003+08:00

I have a wonderful family to see. Two lovely dogs to play with. A bunch of incredible friends all over the country who can't wait to see me (right????). But I don't feel like I'm really going "home".

When people ask me "Where's home?", I never know what to tell them (such a TCK response).

I've lived in Colorado for several years of my life and that's where my family is, but I haven't actually resided there since I was 18. And my parents have moved several times since I've moved out so I don't really have a "place" I can call my own (not that my parents don't provide for me, they SO do...you understand right?). And as for Florida, I lived there for a few years right before I moved here, my church is there, many of my friends are there, but it's been two years. Can I still claim it? I mean, I don't really call myself a Floridian...

I've always been a little nomadic. As I was growing up, my family moved a lot, living in several different parts of the country and even more houses. And as an adult, I've moved quite a few times too- countries, states, and houses. I honestly can't imagine what it would be like to stay in one place for a long time.

I suppose because my job is here, my house is here, my ministry is here...my home is China. That feels a little strange as it comes out of my mouth but at the same time, fills me with happiness. China is home. I'm glad that I can live in this semi-uncomfortable place, with it's strange language and sometimes stranger culture, a place where I most definitely DO NOT fit in, and am able to call it home.

I hope this means that no matter where I live, whether it's in a great big city or the country-side, an apartment or a dorm room, America or Zimbabwe, that I'll always be able to call it "home". Because it's not really about a location is it? It's about tying yourself to where ever God had placed you. Taking ownership of the job, house, relationships He's put in your life. Finding contentment regardless of situation or circumstance. Digging in and taking root.

So, as I travel through the country I was born and raised in, I'm praying that it will feel like home again for two months. That I will feel tied to that land and those people. That I will be able to feel comfortable and well rested regardless of the bed or the house or the city that I'm in.

That at the end of a lovely summer, I will be able to return to China, and it will still feel like home.

Grow Up Grown Up!

2011-05-24T23:57:00.002+08:00

I hate being an adult sometimes.

I don't want to do work, I want to play. I don't want to pay bills, I want to buy lots of awesome stuff. I don't want to go to bed on time, I want to stay up all hours blogging and skyping. I don't want to go to work everyday, I want to sleep in and read books and watch movies. I don't want to grade papers, I want to go to movies and hang out with friends. I don't want to be a good communicator, I want to live an unconfrontational life. I don't want to keep my house clean, I want to throw clothes all over because I can. I don't want to apologize for saying something I shouldn't have, I want to say whatever I want regardless of consequences.

I don't want to do right, speak wisely, love fully, stay motivated, finish well, encourage others, humble myself, apologize often, control emotions, ask forgiveness, feel empathy, work hard, be consistent.

I want to stomp my feet, wave my fists and yell, "NO! It's too hard."

That's where I'm at today. Wanting to throw a hissy-fit but trying to remember something about loving Jesus and letting Him shine through me so I can love others.

Because really, how scary would it be to see me flailing about the floor in a full-on grown person temper tantrum? Funny, maybe, but really frightening.

Help me Jesus!

**Update: The hissy-fitishness has subsided and the "old self" has been sufficiently beaten down again. For at least the next 15 minutes. Ready for the next round due any minute now...

Hong Kong Trip

2011-05-24T10:57:00.003+08:00

During the 4th quarter of every school year, the entire middle school/high school goes on a week long trip to somewhere in China. Each grade goes to a different place so that by the time our students graduate, they've been all over the country. The coveted trip for many of the teachers is the senior trip to Hong Kong. Guess who got to go? That's right baby, partay in HK for a week.

After 13 hours of travel including buses, trains, subways, planes and a lot of walking, we arrive in Hong Kong last Sunday night. The kids (and some of the adults) were real troopers.

Monday included Ocean Park (think Disney meets zoo) in the rain, a cancelled group dinner at California Pizza Kitchen and shopping at the Ladies' Market. And a lot of walking. This sounds bad but the rain allowed for me to read and rest, the cancelled dinner worked out that it was just the adults and no waiting to seat a group of 27 and the shopping well, it was quick and painless.

Tuesday and Wednesday we worked at a place called Crossroads. It's a non-profit organization that basically meets people-in-need needs. They collect food, clothing, computers, furniture, etc and take it to people in places like Haiti and Ghana and China. They also host simulations for people to better understand what it's like to be a refugee or blind or impoverished. Super impactful. Super cool.

Thursday we went to Lantau Island by ferry, saw the largest sitting Buddha, shopped, played games, and then took the cable car back to the main island. We also went to Pirates of the Caribbean and had Outback (wahoooo!!!!) for dinner. I love steak.

Friday, it was beach in the morning and then 12 hours of travel back to Qingdao.

It was an exhaustingly fabulous week. The kids were great, full of jokes and a few pranks. The other teachers were willing to do whatever needed to be done. I got to play "Clue", watch a 3D movie, travel in all types of mass transit, each delicious food, sweat my brains out, make breakfast for my girls, pretend like I was blind and poor, go to bed late, get up early, get a sunburn, make new friends, take cold showers, live without internet, walk a lot, spend lots of money, and have an all around great time.

See pics below...

While I was gone, my friends back at home got a little ridiculous and awesome. They created this video for me. You MUST watch it.

Practically Famous

2011-05-15T08:00:00.001+08:00

I know I've discussed how sometimes I am my own tourist attraction here in China. Being stared at, followed, "Hello"ed at, secretly photoed (not so secretly) is a common occurrence. It's just a part of my life here.

Now when a group of us hang out, it's like a hay-day for the Chinese. Jack pot! We become our own little zoo of foreigners. And doesn't it make sense that people would want to take pictures with the animals?

Today in the park...well, I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

We think they wanted us in the background.

I happened to make eye contact with the guy in the white shirt and he assumed it meant, "Hey, come on over and take a million pictures OF us...and then a whole bunch more WITH us."

This is like picture #8 with the wedding photographer.

He wanted me to take a picture of him taking our picture.

And now in some crazy reality, we're friends.

We're a little concerned that our faces may end up on some billboard or wedding advertisement. That's actually happened to a few of our friends in another city. Oh, the mortification!

Tha Gang (Our OWN picture)

Worth a thousand words...

Conversations With Friends

2011-05-15T01:26:00.003+08:00

Today has been a lovely, crazy day. It started with breakfast with friends and ended with coffee and friends. In between, a picnic in the park and some life changing conversations.

I've been feeling really convicted about forgiving others. On the whole, I'm not a bitter person. I don't hold grudges (at least not for long) and I'm not vindictive (at least not in an outward way). I was talking with my breakfast friends about how it's so much easier to forgive than it is to forget. And I do believe forgetting is a part of forgiving. Forgive? Sure. Forget? Um, no, not really. To live like it never happened, living in a fully restored relationship...I can't even imagine what the Christian life would look like if we forgave and lived in completely restored relationships. Well, actually, I do know what it would look like. It would look like Christ. I want that. I want to restore my relationships totally and completely. I have some work to do though. Really hard work. And that takes a lot of effort and a lot of being intentional. Barf.

I ended the day discussing theology with my coffee shop friends. I've been reminded how important it is to know what you know and why you know it. To search it out, hash it out, work it out, live it out. I'm not a huge fan of discussing theology. I think it's easy to waste a lot of time talking about peripheral things. I mean, it mostly boils down to, Love God, Love people. But, I think discussions like today can be really stretching. And fun. I really enjoy hearing other perspectives and opinions, even if I totally disagree with them. Provers 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Today was full of that sharpening or at least the beginning of it. I like it.

I have some thinking to do. And a lot of reading. And probably some more discussing. And then some action to take.

Bullet Points #3

2011-05-10T21:26:00.001+08:00

I had a weird dream last night that's made me feel funny all day. Something I just can't shake. Hopefully a good night's sleep will help.
We have 18 days of school left but only 7 days of real classes. The rest are trip and exam days.
I leave for Hong Kong on Sunday for a school trip. I'm chaperoning the senior class. Should be...exhausting.
I'll be in Colorado in 3.5 weeks.
My World History students are doing a Genghis Khan (my obsession) trial tomorrow. Should be interesting.
It's been rather rainy the last few days. Good because we need the rain but really inconvenient when you walk so much.
I'm in love with dried kiwi.
We are celebrating Cinco de Mayo tomorrow. Because that's how we roll.
I'm reading A Wrinkle In Time. For the second time. But it must've not really made an impression on me because it took me halfway through the book before I remembered that I'd read it.
I'm still praying about a car for the summer. I'd like to drive all over the country so I can have the freedom to come and go as I please but I don't own a vehicle. I'm praying that God'll provide something cheap and reliable.
I bought 17 movies today for about $3.50. People are moving away and selling all their stuff. Yay for the stuff-selling. Boo on the leaving.
The teachers are in charge of assembly tomorrow. I'm leading the singing. I love leading teens in worship.

That is all.

Dear Mom, (Part 3)

2011-05-08T23:10:00.002+08:00

These are some things that I like...

We have the same laugh, even after all these years.

All my friends want to meet you because of how much I talk about you.

It's easy to see how much you love dad and brother.

I have your sense of humor.

You are so patient and thoughtful.

The way you love God and honor Him with your life makes me want to love Him more.

I would be lucky to turn out like you.

I love you, Mom. I like you too. I miss you. I can't wait to see you.

Your Thankful-to-Have-You-as-a-Mother-daughter,

Jen

Dear Mom, (Part 2)

2011-05-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

Mom,

I was thinking the other day about some of my favorite memories of you.

You used to read aloud to us in the car on family vacations. The Secret Garden is the book I remember best.

We spent a lot of time at Mineral Palace park reading and swimming.

You helped me with my math homework and we spent more time laughing than working. Do you remember "RR!!!"?

You took such good care of your dad after grandma died. You were so kind and patient.

What about that time when we went to the water park and we were in the wave pool and you lost your sunglasses? You made me go get them but the waves started up again and my head got squashed between two innertubes over and over. And you laughed and laughed.

You confessed the story about putting the kitten in the paint can, feeling so horrible and I almost wet my pants laughing.

You were completely supportive of my move to China. You let me stay away for two years and never once complained or questioned my decision.

Your full-of-good-memories-daughter,

Jen

Dear Mom, (Part 1)

2011-05-08T19:10:00.003+08:00

Remember that one time you gave birth to me and then I thanked you by moving half way across the world? Yah, I'm known for my thoughtfulness.

Remember those other 30 years of life when I gave you lovely gifts to celebrate your motheringness? Well this year, instead of wasting money on beautiful bouquets of flowers or delicious cookie baskets, I decided to make you something. A digital something. Well, I guess it could be a tangible gift but that would require you to print it. And then it becomes more of a gift to yourself, from yourself since you're the one printing it.

READY????

Here it is....

Mother Montage

TADA!!!!!!!

Awesome, no? Oh. No. Okay, I'll be home in 3 weeks and 5 days. I can print the montage and give it to you. It'll be like a real gift then.

Your non-gift-giving daughter,
Jen

Stimulating Simulations

2011-05-07T01:35:00.003+08:00

Say that 5x fast. Yes, I just tried to do it. Twice.

So in my MUN class (see here for more info on MUN) the students have been working on creating a realistic simulation with a specific theme i.e. military, human rights, economy, etc. It's been extremely interesting to listen to them come up with tangible ways for their classmates to experience what it's like to trade in a global economy or how it feels to be harassed while trying to work in miserable conditions.

I'm thinking that some of the things we did today would not be acceptable in the good ole politically correct US of A. Things like reliving the 'slave trade' by having students bought by 'slave owners' who had a rubric to fill out, judging the 'slaves' based on their height, weight, looks, and ability to do pushups (in front of the entire class). We also had a lot of group 'hugging' when trying to live in a 'one-bedroom house' together, especially when the house kept getting smaller and smaller. The group just kept getting closer and closer. And I'm pretty sure there were at least two times where students almost fell off of chairs while trying to balance more than 3 people on them at a time for an international trading simulation...

Yah, no, this wouldn't have worked in America. But here, it was an awesome day, filled with fun, learning and laughter.

Perfect Stars

Reliving the Industrial Revolution... remember the stars I was talking about in my last post? Well we spent at least a good hour today making them in all sorts of conditions. And by conditions I mean...


Child Laborers were forced under the table.

...under tables, with one hand behind our backs...that's me, on the bottom. To the left. I was one of three lucky enough to pull the paper that allowed me to be a child laborer. Awesome, huh?

My "stars"...not so perfect.

My feeble attempt at 'star making'. It was just so blastedly hard!

Fun to watch but GLAD I didn't play

This is the 'poor living conditions' simulation. The students had to make sure that everyone's feet were only on the paper. After each time, the paper got smaller. This picture was about halfway through...

Troopers

At one point there were three people standing on one chair...

Super safe, no?

Some of them did this for an hour...

They had to sort this huge pile of beans and rice. And then when "technology" came along, they had to use chopsticks (which was much harder). It was actually a good example that technology doesn't always make things better.

Owner and slaves

Students just walked around whacking each other with these balloons.

Before typing technology

One of the jobs as a slave was to hand-copy the Bible...I'm not sure that I should've allowed this but at least they were in The Word. Oh, did I mention that our hands were rubber-banded together?

Origami is the bane of my existence mostly.

At another station, we had to fold origami. The problem was, all the instructions on how to do it were in Korean. Awesome for my Korean students. Not so awesome for me.

Quite impressive really.

Blasted rubber bands.

Tulip, Cootie Catcher, Crab

The students laughed a lot when I decided to make a crab. I was just looking for the easiest thing possible. They were rather impressed when I was finished.

I might have taken the rubber bands off to finish my crab. Might have.

Done while being beaten with a balloon. Impressive, no?

A few samples of our hard work.

I would like to reiterate that NO students were harmed during the picture-taking of these simulations. At least not 'physically' harmed...

I Heart Koreans- 1

2011-05-04T18:35:00.002+08:00

I don't know that I've mentioned that I teach mostly Korean students.

When I decided to take this job, I was under the impression that I would be teaching Chinese kids. Which doesn't really make sense since it's an international school. I was just ignorant on what an international school was. And then I thought I got it all straightened out when I went to my two week training course before I moved over here. It was going to be full of Westerners. Isn't that what all international schools are made up of? Americans and Europeans? Apparently not. At my school about 90% of the high school is made up of Korean students and the other 10% include other Asians, Westerners and a few Chinese with Canadian/USA green cards.

Why is this important? Well, because I'm teaching a culture inside a culture inside a culture. A Korean heavy culture inside an American school inside China. It's all very Inception-y isn't it?

I wasn't familiar AT ALL with my K-kids or their culture when I moved here. I had no idea what kind of food they ate, what kind of learners they were, how to differentiate between their language and Chinese (don't tell them that, it's very offensive to both Chinese and Koreans that I couldn't hear the difference. Now I can. They sound completely different. But it took a good three months or so). I've learned A LOT about Korean pop culture, the dating scene, daily life, family life...for instance...

Koreans are very nationalistic. They love their country and their culture. More than probably any other group of people I've ever come across.
They stay in packs. They are very loyal to each other. Not often do they let foreigners in to their groups and when they do, you're in for life (this is quite difficult on our non-Korean students)
They work extremely hard. I'm talking 15 hours a day going to school + another 3-5 hours on homework.
Everything they do now is for the future. It's all about university. Every activity, class, grade, certificate, trip they complete is with their transcripts in mind.

I could make a much longer list but I want to get to the main point of this post. Which is the Korean dating scene. Being in a dating relationship is very important in Korean culture. I don't mean that everyone must be dating someone. In fact, it's quite the opposite. My students don't date each other very often. And I don't think there's anything like casual dating. You're either full-on together or you're not.

So when a couple starts dating it's quite momentous. I'm not quite sure if I get how big of a deal it is but I do know that there are many high expectations, specifically of the girl. Many gifts should be given, purses should be carried, nice dinners should be eaten. In fact, if you don't have money, you probably won't get a girlfriend because you can't afford her.

Two things I find very...interesting about Korean dating culture (well, besides the man carrying the woman's purse everywhere which also happens in Chinese culture).

1. Matching outfits- it's is an expectation on holidays, special relationship days (100 day anniversaries which we'll get to later), and really any other day that the female chooses that the couple will match. And I don't mean color-coordinate. I'm mean FULL ON MATCH. I kid you NOT, there are stores all over Korea called "couple stores" where couples can go in and buy his/her outfits.

Exhibit 1- Not too bad

Exhibit 2- Too far

Exhibit 3- A Couple Store

2. 100 Days- In Korean dating culture, everything is counted in days, not months or years. At least until marriage and then I don't really know what happens. So, if I ask a student how long they've been dating someone, the answer will NOT be "almost 2 weeks". It will be "11days". Or "800 days". The 100 day mark is very important, regardless of whether it's 100 days or 500 days. Each one will be celebrated with gifts. Apparently, on the first 100 day anniversary, a common gift to give (at least in high school) is stars. Stars, you say? Yes, stars. Origami folded stars. I learned this today. My students are working on a project so some of my girls had these thin strips of paper and were so expertly making these stars. I was amazed. "How do you all know how to make these so well?" "Oh we must know how to do it so that we can give them to a boy on our 100 day anniversary." ??? "Are you dating anyone now?" "No, but we need to know how to do it for the future." Oh... So, the stores actually sell this paper that's specifically made to use for these origami stars.

Strips of paper used for stars

Jar of Stars- More is always better

Isn't this fascinating stuff? I have so much more to tell you about K-Culture but I'm thinking about doing a series of posts on it. So stay tuned.

P.S. If you're a student and you're reading this, I'd love to hear your thoughts or correct me if I'm wrong about something.

Un-American...

2011-05-02T18:25:00.000+08:00

Being here in China on this day has been very strange. Big things are happening back home but I'm missing out on it. I'm on the outside looking in and I want to be inside. Except I can't. It's almost like it's not really happening to me. Like this day won't be a part of my American history because I wasn't really there to experience it. I can read the internet news and re-watch the President's speech but it's not the same.

It's like being on a team. And the coach decides to have a sleepover and I'm the only girl that can't come. The sleepover is awesome and it's all the other girls talk about for weeks afterwards. They have inside jokes and favorite memories and really funny stories. But because I didn't go, I just can't relate. I'm still a part of the team. They still like me, want me around but I've missed out on a really important part of the team building. Or something.

I'm really homesick for America right now. Not because I want to be in the streets chanting "Hey, hey, hey, goodbye" or even screaming "USA, USA, USA". But because I am missing a piece of American history. A time of gathering together, a time of forgetting right and left, a time of remembering what we've overcome.

At the same time, I'm troubled by a lot of the hatred being screamed in the media and yes, even on my Facebook wall. I get it, the vindication, the legitimation, the sigh of relief. But it hurts my heart, all the "you-deserve-to-burn-in-hell" stuff, the celebration of death, the wishing of pain on someone.

I know, I know. Where's my patriotism?

It's right there, tucked in between deciphering what it means to 'love those that hate you' and jumping for joy that Bin Laden is dead.

It's a tricky thing, to work out my faith when my patriotism is involved.

Regardless, today I'm reminded how glad I am to be American, how thankful I am for the men and women who fight for my freedom (even if I choose to live in another country), and how grateful I am that I have a living God who is in complete control in every situation.

New Pet...ish

2011-05-01T22:25:00.001+08:00

I've got a new pet. He's a sweet little guy. Furry, light gray, squeaks. And he's low maintenance. No poop to clean up, no food to buy, no water to refill.

He's really quite ideal. I don't have to find anyone to pet-sit when I travel, I can just take him with me. He never gets sick, he's so very obedient, he balances out eating, sleeping and playing. He's attentive to me. Whenever I drag my little arrow over his cage, he peps right up.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I've got a digital hamster.

Sweet Little Hamster Eating

Sweet Little Hamster Drinking

Sweet Little Hamster Running

Sweet Little Hamster Sleeping

He's very low maintenance...and very high guilt. Let me explain. I use iGoogle. It's supposed to work with your iPod interactively. Not really sure how since I don't have an iPod anymore but I like to pretend like I do. Anyway, you can upload gadgets to your page...

I have games and weather and news and email and chat...and my digital hamster.I live my entire online life around him. My ~~hamster's~~ iGoogle page is always open. I'm constantly checking to see if he's awake and needs food. See? Just checked. I hate to accidentally let my mouse drift over him if he's sleeping because it'll wake him up. And the idea of closing down my computer...let's just say it makes me think twice.

It's like living your life around a real pet except it's not. It's much lamer.

Sweet Little Hamster Slathering on the Guilt

So, since he's playing such a major role in my life, I figure I should name him. Something really witty and awesome.

Help!!

Help me name my digital-I-can't-not-obsess-over-him-control-my-life-hamster (that I really want to call hamPster because that's how I always thought the word was spelled until this very post).

And don't even try to judge me. I'm judging myself enough for all of us. I promise.

The Royal Evening

2011-05-01T20:02:00.001+08:00

Friday night, we went to a Royal Wedding Party. Picture this.

All the expats watching the ceremony

Our view of the screen

Made up in fancy clothes, surrounded by westerners- some dressed in bridal gowns, watching a wedding that's taking place in England, listening to a preacher talk about Jesus to a bunch of royalty... while sitting in the middle of dance club in China.

Super random. And totally memorable.

The girls and Vince

One of my new Chinese friends joined me for the party. So it was me, my 10 girlfriends and him. He leaned over at one point and said, "Jennifer, do you have any guy friends?" I kind of laughed and explained that yes, I do, but that they didn't really want to come.

This was his first real outing with Westerners. He was super nervous about his outfit. He had to borrow both a suit jacket and tie. And he had no idea how to hold a glass of wine (his very first). He decided that he didn't like it. It was "too strong" and made him hot, I think.

Free Champagne...that went mostly undrunk.

After the ceremony, a few of us went to dinner at a really nice Italian restaurant. Even though we had to wait an hour for our food (got free champagne) and sit in a smoke-filled room from burnt food, it was delicious and well worth the wait.

Looking good Karen

Then a couple of us went to a restaurant in town where some of our friends play in the band there (also on my worship team). Great live music. Man, they are SO daggon' talented.

Walking the red carpet

It was such a great night with friends and fanciness.

Spring Has Arrived

2011-04-28T23:13:00.001+08:00

Cherry Blossoms

A Lilac Bush, My Favorite Flower

The Playground at School

View from My Classroom Windows

Marbles

2011-04-26T08:48:00.005+08:00

Some thoughts rolling around in my head....

Learning to be content when His plans don't line up with my expectations.
Being totally surrendered to His plan...it's much easier said than done.
I can't say, "God take this desire from me". Maybe when I'm holier I can. But I can say (almost ready to) "God, I desire you more than my desires."
Do I really believe God has my best interest in mind? Even when He's not giving me "the desires of my heart"?
What do I smell like? Do I smell like life or death? Do my words speak life or death into people? See Proverbs 18.
I seem to be constantly praying, and yet NOT enough apparently, "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

Nothing profound. Just some things that God and I are talking about. Well, He's talking, I'm mostly listening. Except when I don't. But that's a whole different post.

Avoidance

2011-04-25T18:23:00.004+08:00

Yes, that's what I'm doing now. Avoiding. I have a stack of papers stacked as high as the Empire State Building sitting on the table in front of me begging to be graded and I'm refusing to do it. So what if grades are due tomorrow? So what if I don't have any grades recorded yet and we're halfway through the 4th quarter? So what if I get in trouble? So what if I lose my job? So what if I have to move back to America? And have to live on the streets. And use cardboard boxes as blankets. And make friends with a guy named One-eyed Joe who lives on Slim-Jims and ginger ale. And makes me clang cymbals and dance to circus music while wearing clown makeup and a monkey tail. So what.

Fine! I'll do it! I'll grade. But I'm not happy about it. Not happy at all.

Just know that I'll be checking my email every few minutes in case something important comes along. And I'll have to look at Facebook to make sure I see if anyone's commented on newly posted pictures or my status update. And it's quite possible that I'll have to play a game or read the news just to break up the monotony of grading.

I'm going, I'm going.

But if you need to get a hold of me, feel free to text. Or email. Or Facebook...or comment here. I promise to respond ~~as soon as my grading allows~~ immediately.

The Beginning

2011-04-24T18:22:00.002+08:00

Two men,
gleamed like lightening.
Do not fear!
He has risen!
He is not here!
Go, tell!
Telling.
Unbelief.
Running to the tomb...
Strips of linen.
Proof.
Disbelief.
"Peace be with you"
My Lord and My God!

"Go,
Make disciples,
Baptize them,
Teach them."

"...the sacred and imperishable proclamation of eternal salvation. Amen."

The Longest Day

2011-04-23T09:58:00.007+08:00

Yesterday was hard:
pain,
suffering,
shock.
Today is harder,
a remembering of it all.
Yesterday was death.
Today is the new reality
of life without
his laughter,
his friendship,
his promise.
Yesterday he was here.
Today he will never be again.
Yesterday, there was hope.
Today, hope is gone.

Today, we have a memorial for the little boy that passed away three weeks ago. We will celebrate his short life on this longest day in history. This day, where two thousand years ago, things seemed the darkest. It really did happen, he really is dead. The moment when you wake up and realize, it wasn't a dream. All the pain and noise and blood, yes blood, was real. The deed is done, you are no longer in it, you are able to look back on it and remember. And feel the loss, the hurt, again and again and again. A new reality has begun.

Except
Tomorrow, the tears are wiped away.
Tomorrow, there is new life.
Tomorrow, He is alive.
Tomorrow, Hope comes.

We know how this story ends. This may be the longest day, but tomorrow is the Best Day.

And this little boy is already realizing his tomorrow. He has Hope. He has new life, a whole and complete body to fully praise his Creator, his Healer.

So, we can mourn. We can weep. We can long for and miss. But we can also rejoice. We can rest assured that this is not the end. We can celebrate a new life, a new beginning for this little boy.

And for us.

The End.

2011-04-22T13:51:00.007+08:00

The garden.

Friends.

Prayer.

Horror and deep distress.

"My soul is crushed with grief."

Pleadings.

Mobs with swords...

Judas.
Betrayed with a kiss.

False witnesses.

Are you?

"I Am."

Blasphemy!

Condemned to death.

Blindfolded.

Fists.

Jeered.

Denied.

Rooster crows.

Pilate.

King of the Jews?

Crucify Him.

Why?

Crucify Him!
Flogged.

Whipped.

Purple robe.

Crown of thorns.

Hail! King of the Jews.
Golgotha.

Nails.

Cross.

Dice thrown.

Sign posted: King of the Jews

Ridiculed.

Save yourself.

Darkness fell.

"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"

Breathed his last.

Curtain torn.

Now Scanning: Mixed Emotions

2011-04-21T12:20:00.010+08:00

In the good 'ole days, when I used to have an iPod touch (arg!), I had this app called a "Mood Scanner". It was like a digitalized mood ring. Except that it wasn't. It was totally random and not based on body heat whatsoever. But still a fun thing to do. In fact, my friends and I used it all the time. It usually varied between "In Love", "Angry", and "Mixed Emotions".

Let's talk about "Mixed Emotions", shall we?

I will be flying to Colorado on June 7th for my summer home. This is a strange thing for me to really grasp. It's been two years since I've seen my family, since I've driven a car, since I've known how to get around town, since I've been able to find all the things on my grocery list.

It's going to be two months full of traveling all over the US, seeing friends, visiting churches, loving on family (new babies!), re-acclimating to being in a place where I speak and read and understand everything around me. It'll be exhausting too, living out of a suitcase, driving thousands of miles, entertaining people and being entertained.

I'm quite happy with my life here. I've got a good routine, a lovely home, my own space, great friends. It's a place where I know what to expect and what's expected of me. It's all defined and familiar.

Going back to America is going to be constantly changing. It's going to be a time of redefining relationships and "catching up". I'll spend a lot of time telling the same stories and explanations of my life here in China. I don't know what to expect or what expectations there are for me in America. And I'll have to say "goodbye" all over again. Who knows for how long this time?

I will be honest and say that it makes me a little unsettled. I've become used to a life far removed from America (and all that entails). And it's been a fantastic life. To be back there again, and really remember, be confronted with what I've been missing...it makes me feel unsettled.

But at the same time, I'm so very excited to see everyone. To love them and be loved on. To sit on the couch and talk with my parents, to be picked on my brother, to be jumped on by my dog, to hold my new little cousin (second cousin to be exact), to laugh loud and long with my friends, to sing worship with my team, to be teased, to reminisce.

I can't wait to see the mountains and the wide open spaces, to smell fresh air and drink tap water, to sit on the beach with the crashing waves, to blend in with everyone else, to be heard and understood every time I speak, to drive when and where I want, to come and go as I please.

Yep, mixed emotions. That's the best way to explain it.

The Grossest Thing I've Ever Seen

2011-04-19T14:02:00.014+08:00

I am totally addicted to this blog. She is stinkin' hilarious. I stumbled (and by stumbled I mean "blog stalked") upon this post that she wrote several months ago about gross things her kids do. The stuff she described wasn't so bad, but the comments, oh the comments under her post...I may never be the same. I literally almost wet my pants because I was laughing so hard. You MUST go read them. Be prepared as some of them will cause you to throw up in your mouth a little bit. BUT it's totally worth it.

Just in case you're too lazy to click on this post, I've copied and pasted a few of the comments listed. Be prepared...

"The first time we took our kids to Disneyland they were 2 and a half. My girlfriend's 2 and a half year old son licked every railing in sight when they were there. So by the last day I was so proud my son hadn't licked a single thing. We were on Main Street first thing in the morning, you know how they wash the streets down every night? Well everything was still really wet. I look over and Andrew is lying face down on the street sucking the water out of the hole where an umbrella would go. All the dirt and germs from "The Happiest Place On Earth" right in his mouth! BOOO!!"

He must've been thirsty?

"When my daughter was a baby, she sampled cat poop from the litter-box. MORE THAN ONCE."

No words.

"Cockroaches! We went to a similar exhibit in LA when my daughter was quite small and in love with all creatures (who am I kidding, she's 10 and still is!). She held and... KISSED one of those hissing cockroaches. I literally got teary eyed trying not to throw up/freak out/something other than think it was adorable -- which it kind of was in a hugely gross way. Then she wanted to hold the babies and give each of them a hug and a kiss (baby hissing cockroaches that is)."

Have I mentioned how much I hate bugs?

Okay, there are about 30 other REALLY funny comments that you must read...

In honor off this very disgustingly funny theme, I thought I would share the grossest thing I've ever seen.

I've lived through some really foul things in my life. I think that just comes with working with kids. I've cleaned up vomit. I've washed down a bathroom filled with poop pictures (poop smeared on the floor/walls with pictures drawn in it by little fingers...on more than one occasion). I've changed explosive diapers, handled maggot covered trash (probably the second grossest thing to ever happen to me...think Raiders of the Lost Ark in reference to the amount of maggots), and a lot of other things. But there's one particular memory that still makes me want to gag every time I talk about it.

I was a freshman in college, working at a day care. My boss, we'll call her Darb, kind of took me under her wing. To this day, I'm not sure if this was a good or bad thing. And when I say "took me under her wing", I mean she had me over to her house several different times to "help" her clean one mess of a house and/or babysit her kids. I don't really know why I went along with it. Maybe because she was my boss, maybe because she was a single mom, maybe because at that time in my life, I had no idea how to say "no". Regardless, I became a sort of fixture within their family for my first three months of college.

Towards the end of our relationship (she was let go from the daycare) we went on a picnic to the park. It was a beautiful fall day. A chill in the air, colorful leaves. Perfect day to be outside.

Let me take a moment to share something with you. I can't stand snot/boogers/mucus. Cant. Stand. It. Just thinking about it makes me gag. Hearing people snork and then spit, knowing it's in their mouth, uggugugug, I just gagged writing this.

So, I'm at the park with this family. The bebe kid had a cold. I mean, little kids are snotty anyway, especially when it's cold. I get it. And they hate having their nose wiped. I get it. But this was above and beyond the normal drainage. No matter how much you wiped, it was there, consistently replenishing itself. I'm quite sure her mother had given up, I mean, who can stay on top of a gushing river? And who was I to take over the much needed wipe-age?

Park. Picnic. Playground. On to the playground. Little Girl with snotty nose is running around like a wild-woman, the collection on her top lip getting worse and worse (think green slime). Little Girl wants to go down the big slide. Now, she's only two-ish so Darb and I choose our posts. I'm at the bottom of the slide, she'll take Little Girl to the top of the slide. Darb walks Little Girl around to the ladder and helps her up, follows behind her, kind of acting like a shield.

At some point in this two-some, when they're face to face, Darb notices Little Girl's nose "situation". Darb has no kleenex on her but Little Girl is on the verge of drowning in the goo.

So what does Darb do?

She takes her hand, mind you I'm watching all of this happen in slow motion, she takes her hand and squeezes ALL the SNOT out of Little Girl's nose INTO HER OWN HAND...at this point I am HORRIFIED. No breath is coming out of me. My mind is racing...something about "a mother's love"and "doing things you'd never thought you'd do when you become a mom" and "desperate times call for desperate measures"...I couldn't look away...it gets worse.

She squeezed the snot into her hand and THEN?????

LICKS. IT. CLEAN. Like an afternoon snack. No biggie. I-just-slurped-up-my-weight-in-my-daughters-mucus-lets-send-her-down-the-slide...

This is not a picture of the real little girl. I found it on the internet. And gagged.

I gagged and gagged and gagged and gagged. I left abruptly. Gagged in the car. Gagged when I got home. Gagged every time I thought about it. I didn't tell anyone about it for days because I literally couldn't get the words out of my mouth.When I was finally able to verbalize it, I gagged every time. Everyone I told it to gagged...it took me years, YEARS to get to a point of being able to talk about it without almost throwing up.

So, that's my story. Are you okay? Seriously, the last time I told this story, I had a roomful of upset stomachs. Awesome.

I recognize this has nothing to do with recent posts or really in-depth stuff...just thought you might enjoy a good story. Sorry for the abrupt shift.

Any stories you want to share?

Stolen Poem- Emotional Idiot

2011-04-18T13:00:00.002+08:00

Came across this poem and laughed out loud.

I'm an Emotional Idiot

so get away from me.
I mean,
COME HERE.

Wait, no,
that's too close,
give me some space
it's a big country,
there's plenty of room,
don't sit so close to me.

Hey, where are you?
I haven't seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren't I enough for you?

God,
You're so cold.
I never know what you're thinking.
You're not very affectionate.

I mean,
you're clinging to me,
DON'T TOUCH ME,
what am I, your *&%$ cat?
Don't rub me like that.

Don't you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don't you have any interests?
Hobbies?
Sailing Fly fishing
Archeology?

There's an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don't you go?
I'll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I'm nothing.

Move in with me
we'll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don't get in each other's hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I'll have my own bedroom,
it's nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don't you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin',
was it something I said?
What
What did I do?

I'm an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,
MARRY ME.

~Maggie Estep

The "M" Word

2011-04-17T21:10:00.013+08:00

It runs in my family. It's been one of my biggest struggles (there are so many). It tries to control, succeeds more than I would like for it too. It's part of everyday life and yet for me, it can become my life.

Moodiness. Emotional overdrive.

For years, I think I just figured it was normal. It was a teenage thing. A girl thing. An irritating thing. Now, for many recent years, I've defined it as the thing that gets me. It takes me over, squeezes the balance out and leaves me, and sometimes others, in shambles.

Let me define what I mean. My emotions aren't swinging in bi-polar motion. It's mostly happy and then a little indifference sets in and moves on to quietness. The need to be around but not really a part. Like the invisible friend. Like the emotion has been sucked out just a little bit. It doesn't usually last for long, just a day or so but long enough to disrupt my life and sometimes my relationships.

When I was in my mid-twenties (the fact that I can refer to "my mid-twenties" makes me want to barf), one of my good friends so bluntly pointed out that I was moody. It was reconfirmed by several other friends in several other eye-opening conversations. I was shocked, offended each time it was said. Not me. I'm passionate, yes. I'm opinionated, yes. I feel things deeply, yes. But moody? Heck no!

But God has ever-so-not-gently been working on me over the last 5ish years or so. Showing me that what I like to call "the need to be quiet" or "indifference" or "desire to shut the entire world out" is really just my way of defining moodiness. And over the last 5 years, I've really worked on being balanced, not allowing myself be controlled by my emotions.

Wow,that's a really short sentence to sum up some of the biggest growth in my life. Ever.

Here's the rub though. I'm pretty much a one-track mind. I can multi-task. But when it comes down needing total concentration, only one thing can be done at a time.

So, even though we've (me and God) mostly (totally my fault) overcome my "being controlled by emotions", when God is working on me in other areas, I have a really hard time handling the emotions that come along with it. I become so aware of how I treat others, how out of control my tongue is, how infinitely un-perfect I am, arg, I just want to crawl in a hole and make it stop. Since that's not really socially acceptable, I (like every other person on this planet) go to work, build relationships, spend time with friends, do ministry all while He is changing, molding, remaking...and sometimes it's just too much.

Does that even make sense?

The inner turmoil, the God-working thing, takes over. Which is awesome. I want Him to work in my life. But it's like being back at square one with the moodiness thing. Apparently, we've (God and me) only passed Emotions 101 (my fault). Isn't it weird, that a weakness, a struggle, a sin, whatever it needs to be called, has been overcome until He begins working on other areas? And then it just pops it's little head up again. Arg.

It relieves me to know that it's not up to me to "find" joy or contentment or peace. I don't have to create them. And they're not emotions. God is joy, he gives contentment. He is peace. A lot of the time I know that and remember it. Sometimes, I just need a good kick upside the head.

Hello to this week.

God and I are in the middle of an argument about real trust in all areas blah blah blah so I've been a little (say it!) moody.

We can still be friends right? Even with my little bit of crazy? It's endearing, right? Right?

You Are My Sunshine

2011-04-16T22:47:00.013+08:00

Spring has finally sprung. Leaves are unfurling, flowers are blooming, umbrellas are opening. Yes, umbrellas. In China, the whiter, the better. Most women wear hats, sunscreen and carry around large umbrellas to shield every nook and cranny against the sun.

Moving along...today was our school-wide soccer tournament. Our six schools from all over the country came to Qingdao to compete and I came out ~~to get some sun~~ to watch. It was a perfect day to be outside.

This tree made me happy.

My friends and our picnic lunch.

My view from the sidelines.

The little one that calls me "Brown-Jenny".

The umbrellas.

P.S. I'm regretting not centering these pictures but it's too much work to change them now.

Behind The Smoke Screen

2011-04-15T14:28:00.005+08:00

So I 'had' to discuss the "English Corner Experience" with my students today. I polled one of my classes and almost half of them believe in aliens, many believe in magic, several believe that the end of the world is coming soon (I even got a post-trib comment)...the scales have fallen off the eyeballs. Apparently, there are A LOT of people who have the same sentiment as those last night. Who knew? Not me. I live in a no-alien-unmagical-Jesus-is-comin'-when-He's-a'comin-unelevatored-to-the-moon-world. Hm, doesn't sound very fun.

I did do some research and here's what I found...

About the magic school in America: It actually exists. Kind of. It's an online, uncertified school. It seems like there's some bath-robe wearing but besides that, it's on the up-and-up as far as online magic schools go. More info can be found here. http://www.greyschool.com/ My class discussed it and we decided that the reporter (the one who wrote the article that The Intellect read) didn't do all of his homework in finding out if it was a REAL school. Anyway, there you go all you Harry Potter wannabes.

As for the elevator to the moon...it seems little too geekish for my taste in reading but feel free to go here and here if you want more information. Apparently, it's a pretty well-discussed topic.

What about you? Any thoughts on aliens or elevators or magic? Do tell!

Things I Learned At English Corner #1

2011-04-14T21:59:00.007+08:00

English Corner. Ever heard of it?

Per Google and Wikipedia: The phrase English Corner commonly applies to informal periods of instruction in English held at schools and colleges in China. These sessions are sometimes led by native Chinese teachers or less often by teachers who are native speakers of English.

It's quite popular as an expat, to participate in English Corners. It allows one to build relationships with locals in a casual setting.

I've just started going to an EC. Each corner works differently so I can't speak for all of them but we meet at a coffee shop for a couple of hours once a week. It seems to be (I can't really use the word "usually" since I've only been there twice now) an average of 5-6 Westerners and anywhere from 15-25 Chinese people all sitting around tables drinking coffee, taking turns asking questions. There are a several groups within the big group as the foreigners are usually spread out.

My first time I went, the questions centered around who I was, what I did, what they did, where we're from, economics and American religion. It was all very proper and semi-boring. I suppose I could've taken some of the talk to a deeper level but I just feel like there needs to be relationships built before any real openness occurs.

Tonight...tonight was the best night of my life (a little bit of an exaggeration but not much). I'm almost willing to bet that I will never have another EC as awesome as this one was. Before I get into topics, let me tell a little bit about each of the people that go.

Kelley- expat teacher, good friend, reason I started going to EC
Brian- Canadian, a little volatile, interesting, not pertinent to this post
Funny guy- Chinese man with a sense of HUMOR
The Intellect- older Chinese man maybe upper 70's, always asking about meanings of words, quiet
Has a Girlfriend- Chinese student, I only use this as his defining characteristic because he leaves tomorrow to travel with his girlfriend all over southern China. Her family is really traditional so they have to have a chaperone on the trip. Who's the chaperone? Her very traditional father.
Smooth- young Chinese guy, very Westernized, cute and knows it
No Name- a nice Chinese woman, don't know her name, doesn't have any defining characteristics

I will probably add to this character list as time goes by but these are all the important players. Now on to things discussed tonight.

It started off with embarrassing moments. We each went around and shared a little story. I told about a time I fell getting on the bus and landed on the bus driver. Smooth told about how he was schooled at basketball by his younger and smaller cousin. Has a Girlfriend shared about how he gave a speech and used the phrase "Aunt Flow came for a visit" in the wrong context but the whole class erupted in laughter.

Then we moved on to important moments, meaningful moments. No Name talked about a time when a man asked her to move out of the way and called her old. Has a Girlfriend shared about how he used to light paper airplanes on fire and throw them out the window. He burned his neighbors nicely drying cloth diapers to the ground. Apparently it was the first time he ever told anyone and I couldn't help but laugh a little. I shared about demolishing a bird bath in our rented house when I was 6 or 7.

Then we moved on to acronyms. We started throwing them out... asap, lol, brb...and then The Intellect brings up UFO. I ask, "Do you believe in UFOs and aliens?"...and it all just goes down hill from there.

The Intellect: Oh yes of course I do.
Me:Really? Why?
The Intellect: Because there's so much space out there, there must be aliens.
Then Has a Girlfriend jumps in....
Has a Girlfriend: I don't believe in UFOs but I believe in aliens.
Me: No UFOs but aliens?
Kelley: How do the aliens get to earth?
Has a Girlfriend: They are magic. They have magic. Did you know that there's a school in America that is working with kids that can do magic?
Me and Kelley: [not smirking] No, really? I had no idea. They can really do magic?
Has a Girlfriend: Yah, they have special powers....[he goes on to explain something about humans getting these special powers from aliens or something but I can't really remember. My mind is so blown by this point...]
Kelley and Smooth were privately discussing the issue of aliens. Smooth didn't believe in aliens but when asked if there was anything he believed in, he mentioned the end of the world in 2012. So then Kelley...

Kelley: Does anyone else believe in the end of the world in 2012.
Has a Girlfriend: Yes, I definitely do.
Me: Wait, what?
Has a Girlfriend: I believe the world is going to end in 2012.
Me: So you believe that you have 7 months to live?
Has a Girlfriend: Yes.

This prompted a discussion on "if you only have 7 months to live, what would you do differently". Has a Girlfriend says he's going to collect documentaries and books and bury them. Funny Guy says he's going to create the contraption that will allow him to live (which led to an entire discussion on surviving in hot air balloons if the world was covered in lava). The Intellect also said he would build something that would allow him to survive but he was quite adamant that he didn't believe in 2012. Actually, the general consensus of the group was that yes, there were aliens but no, the world wouldn't end in 2012.

Anyway, while we were in the middle of all this discussion of only having 7 months to live and survival and aliens and magic, The Intellect leans over to me and says,

The Intellect: I've been reading a magazine that predicts that in 20 years, US scientists will have built an elevator to the moon. There'll be a launch pad right here in China, in Beijing.
Me: Wait, what? (apparently this is the only phrase I can come up with when in shock)
The Intellect: In 20 years, there will be elevators to the moon.
Me:...um, well, what will we do on the moon?
The Intellect: [looks at me like I'm crazy] I don't know. The magazine didn't say.

I, of course, had to share this with the rest of the group and ask their thoughts on it. Funny guy, who actually does build elevators, joked that he "would in fact be in charge of building the elevators to the moon and that all instructions would be in Chinese. And that the official language on the moon will most definitely be Chinese. We'd (Kelley and I) better practice now."

It was the most entertaining and semi-disturbing conversation I've ever had. Several questions come to mind.

Do they believe everything they read in the newspaper here? Magic houses and elevators to the moon...
Do they think every movie in the West is based on reality? Harry Potter, The X-men...
If they really thought they only have 7 months to live, would they really only work on finding a way to survive? There isn't anything they would change about their life now?

I'm really excited about this group. They're fun and willing to share. They seem open to discussion. I'm hoping to have a chance to get deeper and really talk about issues. Maybe talk to them about some Truth. We'll see.

Man, I have never learned so much in one conversation. Can't wait until next week (mostly because Has a Girlfriend will be reporting on the trip with his girlfriend and THE CHAPERONE).

**I'm afraid of what this post is going to make you think about these beautiful people. They are not stupid or uneducated. In fact, most of the people that come to EC are the wealthy, college graduates. I'm not sure why they believe what they believe. I think it'll be interesting to find out as time and conversations allow, where they learned it and why they hold to some of these ideas. It's like a puzzle. It doesn't fit yet, but it's because I don't have all the pieces. It'll probably take years to put it together. In fact, I hope it does.

Spring Banquet 2011

2011-04-13T07:16:00.004+08:00

Just a few pics of the Spring Banquet. I didn't really feel comfortable putting up pics of my students so it's just some of the staff. The bravest ones.

The theme was "Fashion Week: NYC". ???

Stolen Poem

2011-04-13T06:23:00.000+08:00

The Thing Is

to love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you've held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.

-Ellen Bass

Inside

2011-04-11T20:54:00.004+08:00

Thoughts.

Emotions.

Whirlpool!

Longing...

Tired.
Quiet.

Prayer.

Worship.

Prayer.

Understanding?

Growth?

Peace?

Happy Day?

2011-04-09T22:19:00.005+08:00

I'm leading worship in the morning. I get to do it once a month and I LOVE it. And loath it. Okay, I don't loath it but it really is one of the hardest things I do. I always enter it with a little trepidation. It's this weird mix of feeling inadequate and unworthy. I'm not great at what I do but I love to worship. And I'm learning about myself that I love to lead others in worship.

This week has been really difficult to choose songs. It's Easter month, a celebration and remembering. But it's still a time of hardship and loss for my community. It's been two weeks since Tim died and I'm not sure what's appropriate to sing about. I've really struggled with choosing the right songs. Can we praise and have fun? Is it okay to get a little rowdy?

Arg. I don't know.

The opening song is called "Happy Day". It's super peppy and so fun to sing. It almost makes one want to dance.

The greatest day in history

Death is beaten, you have rescued me,

Sing it out, Jesus is alive!

The empty cross, the empty grave

Life eternal, you have won the day,

Shout it out, Jesus is alive

He's alive

Oh, happy day, happy day,

You washed my sins away

Oh, happy day, happy day,

I'll never be the same

Forever I am changed...

It's a great song. A happy, joyful reminder of Christ's sacrifice. But even as I write this, I'm at war with myself. Is it appropriate to sing at this time? Or is it flaunting...life? Happiness? If it is, is that okay?

I was talking with a friend about it and she said, "Jen, in times like this, I have to CHOOSE joy." That really stuck with me. I don't even know if I know what that means yet. I can choose to understand. I can choose to be content. I can choose peace. I can choose acceptance. But can I choose joy? I'm talking personally here. Can I, have I, chosen joy? In spite of circumstances, can I still be joyful about what God has done for me, in me?

That's why I decided to keep the song in my set list. Because I want to choose joy. Not happiness. But joyfulness. I want to remember what He has done for me and be joyful about it.

The second verse says, "When I stand in that place, free at last, meeting face to face, I am yours, Jesus you are mine. Endless joy, perfect peace, earthly pain finally will cease. Celebrate, Jesus is alive. He's alive!"

Those words are really powerful if I really believe them.

As for the rest of the service we're singing- Sing to the King, Unchanging (Raise Up Holy Hands), My Savior My God, Stronger, Overcome, and My Jesus I Love Thee.

I'm hoping to remind us not only of Christ's sacrifice in death and power in His resurrection but also that He cares about each of us, individually. He is unchanging, He is our strength, our Overcomer. And He deserves our praise.

Pray. Pray is what I need to do.

Remember That One Time...

2011-04-09T00:29:00.001+08:00

When I mentioned that I sang those one songs in that one place? Well, here they are.

I think my favorite things are Thony (to the left of me) and the background singers/yellers.

This recording was more about the people watching me. It didn't turn out very well. But you can kind of get the idea.

Nicknames

2011-04-08T16:38:00.007+08:00

I've been called a lot of names in the course of my life...Jennifer Christine, Jen Brown, Jen, Jenny, Jenny-benny-poo-bear, Jen-i-faaaaah, Jennabug, Ferfer, JB, Satan (truly), and a whole bunch that are probably not appropriate for this blog. But recently, a new one has emerged. And it might be my favorite.

Last week, I had a few friends over for dinner. One of them was Jenny-lea, who is important to this story because her name is so similar to mine and another was Sonya, a two year old little girl who is maybe one of the smartest things I've ever come across.

Sonya and I have spent time together on a couple of occasions but it's been awhile. She and Jenny-lea are together quite often. Having us both together, Jenny-lea and Jen, made it very difficult for sweet Sonya to remember who was who. So, her solution? Make up a nickname for me.

Brown Jenny.

Yes, that's right. Jenny-lea and Brown Jenny.

My new nickname given to me by a two year old- Brown Jenny.

It sounds a little...wrong. Doesn't it?

And yet, awesomely funny.

Of course, it's only cute coming from her mouth. Her sweet little two year old mouth. Coming from anyone else and I might have to hurt you. So don't get any ideas.

Friendships

2011-04-08T13:20:00.007+08:00

Today is the last official day of Spring Break. I still have the weekend but it doesn't really count because I have meetings to go to and worship to lead and papers to grade and lessons to plan. Because of course I put everything off to the last minute. That is Jen Brown.

It has been a lovely week full of laughter, movies, sightseeing, buses, not enough sleep, good conversations and friends.

It's been a defining week, relationally speaking. My friendships have been tightened and reaffirmed. Much needed quality time has been spent with those that build me up and make me want to be a better person. I have shared my heart and mind with those that care about me. I have learned how to love my friends better and how to communicate with them in a deeper way. I've added accountability and openness to already healthy friendships.

I've had times in my life where good, deep friendships have been lacking. Don't get me wrong, I've always had a lot of friends, people to hang out with, laugh with. But there have been definite times where even within those groups that I've felt isolated or alone. I think that's just part of my personality- to be the fun one. The one that's leaned on. The one that leads and laughs. I love those roles. I fufill my duties with pride. Let's laugh and play and have good discussions. But sharing my heart, the real deep me, well, it doesn't happen often. It's not expected or asked for. That's not my role. And I can accept that.

So it makes me happy that I have friends here, in a land far away from what's comfortable or normal, in a place where it's easy to keep casual friendships because of the transient-ness (new word), friends that I can be 'me' around. People that push me to grow and love and change. That allow for honesty and mistakes. I recognize how unusual and valuable it is to have what I have. I also recognize that I may not always have it...sometimes I think God is preparing me for harder roads...but that's another blog post.

I am thankful that I serve a God who knows how important relationships are to me and has provided the very best for me. Even in this foreign land.

Bullet Points #2- Spring Break

2011-04-07T08:32:00.004+08:00

Every time I do this kind of post it means that I'm making myself do it. Blogging for me is like cleaning the house. If I don't keep up with it, things pile up so high I think "what's the point?". So, "bullet points" is a drive-by cleaning of sorts.

It's Spring Break and I've had a lovely week. My friend Abby came to visit from Wuhan and we've had a lot of fun. I definitely laughed A LOT.
Monday we had a Disney marathon. We watched Mulan, Tarzan, Lion King, and Aladdin. Good times.
On Tuesday, Abby and I decided to take the ferry over to Huangdao (Hooahngdow). It's the other peninsula across the bay. It's about a 45 min trip across the water. It was supposed to be a day trip to the beach full of sunshine and reading and relaxing. Instead it was full of searching for the ferry, bus rides and lost iPods. It took us 5 different people, a closed yacht club, a taxi, a bus, a REALLY long line, and a 45 min. ride on the ferry to get to the island. A total of 4 hours. We then ate dinner, walked down by the water, and then left. A total of an hour and half. Yes, really. And within that measly hour and half, I lost my iPod. It was an adventure for sure.
Did I mention I lost my iPod? My dear sweet iPod? The love of my life?
It's like God's trying to teach me to live without technology.
I've now lost 2 cellphones, have a broken laptop and camera and now the iPod.
Arg.
You know how some people aren't morning people or night people? I'm not an after-noon person. From 1-4pm, stick a fork in my, I'm done.
I have some friends that play in a band at a restaurant in town. Tuesday night they had me come on stage and sing a couple of songs. I Will Always Love You and My Heart Will Go On. Why? Why would I sing THOSE songs? I know, they make your ears bleed. Two things. 1. The Chinese LOVE them. 2. They're the only songs I know the lyrics to.
I've decided that sweet & sour pork is my FAVORITE Chinese dish. Ever.
Good conversations. I love good conversations. I've had lots of them this week. It's been a good week.
Have you seen the movie "Red"? You must. It is hi-larious.
So, when you get a new cellphone, you have to buy a phone number. Different numbers cost different amounts. If it's an unlucky number or contains unlucky numbers, it'll be cheap. But if it's a good number, it can cost an arm and a leg, I prefer cheap and unlucky...of course, I do keep losing my phone. Maybe I should reconsider.

That is all.

Ah Snap!

2011-04-01T15:20:00.004+08:00

Have I mentioned how much I love my students? Today, I decided to show them how much...by playing an April Fool's Day joke on them. :)

It was test day in one of my classes. We've been studying the Byzantine and Middle Ages for the last few weeks so I needed to get in the test before Spring Break. Yes, I'm one of the those teachers, cram it all in before break, that's my motto.

So, I decided to make two tests. One "awesome" test (a.k.a. fake) and one legitimate test (on another note, we're going to see how many times I can use the word "test" in this post). The real test was actually pretty hard so I thought if I give them an "awesome" test first, they'll be on their knees thanking me for the real/hard test.

They come in to class, we review for about 10 minutes. Then I have them get out two sheets of paper which is pretty unusual for a History test. It's not like you really need scratch paper or anything. At this point they're kind of making the Scooby Doo noise, Hhhrrrhhh?, but they don't really say much. I have them clear of their desks and them I tell them not to turn the test over until I say. I pass them all out, face down. Here's what the test looked like...

Please write a 1000 word essay on the Byzantine Empire and the Middle Ages including the following terms:

100 Years War

The Crusades

Pepin the Short

Charlemagne

Charles Martel

Saladin

Leader of Catholic/Eastern Orthodox Church

Feudalism

Chivalry

Fiefdom

Magna Carta

Methodius

Theodora

Vladimir

Clovis

Black Death....and about 15 more terms.

I told them they needed to organize the info, write an intro with a solid thesis statement, several body paragraphs and a closing- number their pages, and a few other details.

They didn't say one word. Not a sound. A couple of them had faces like, "You're kidding right? This is an April Fool's Joke, yes?" I told those faces to "Get to work."

They were so serious. Most of them started writing, a few organized. I decided I was going to wait 5 minutes or until someone started crying before I stopped them.

No one cried (to my disappointment) so at the end of 5 minutes, I went to the front of the classroom and said in the most serious voice possible, "I need your attention for a moment. Please stop working...April Fools! This isn't your real test!!!!"

All 15 of them literally yelled a relieved sigh. Some of them were shaking, a few were sweating. I had to turn off the heat and open the window, they were so hot. It was awesome.

It took them at least 5 minutes to calm down before I could give them their real test. And they were pretty happy with the real test....comparatively speaking.

I'll confess that I'm a little nervous about retaliation. I suppose I kind of deserve it. Kind of.

...

2011-03-30T06:40:00.000+08:00

Tim passed away on Tuesday evening.

Please pray for his family as they have to get all the paperwork done to get his body back to America for the funeral, that the government will make this process as painless as possible.

Pray for the family.

Pray for my community here.

A Compliment

2011-03-29T15:02:00.000+08:00

After several exhausting days and questions about how our students would be affected, the thought of going to school on Monday was a little overwhelming. It was a good day, the students are doing well, thinking about deep things, working through their theology, enjoying the present.

So, in my World History class yesterday, we were supposed to have a quiz. I honestly didn't feel like teaching and the students, like always, didn't feel like working. But I had a plan, we had a lot to do, I was prepared, there was no getting around it. We spent the first several minutes praying and talking and just taking some time to shift our minds into learning. Right as I'm getting ready to have them put their stuff away for the quiz....

Student: "Miss Brown, do we have to take the quiz?"

Me: "Yes, of course you do."

Student: "But...maybe...well...er...what about open note...mumbling..."

Me: "You have to take the quiz. You had five days to study for it."

Student: "But, um, well, and I hope it's okay to say this...you're SO BEAUTIFUL."

Those were not the words I was expecting to come out of his mouth. I laughed long and hard. And then I let them take an open-note quiz. He was high-fived and I was cheered for. A great moment all around.

Yay for the little things.

Grief

2011-03-27T21:45:00.000+08:00

I've been sitting here staring at this screen for a while now, trying to figure out what to write. I've started and restarted at least 3 times.

This weekend, I've watched grown men weep and mothers cry out in anguish. I've been in a room where literally all the air has been sucked out and grief has slammed itself on our shoulders. I've cried tears and held hands and begged God and loved on friends.

I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.

I weep for the parents who're making tough decisions. I weep for the brother and sisters who will probably never see him again. I weep for my friends who are so broken. I weep for the children who saw things no child should see. I weep for my community that's still reeling with a new reality, a family that will never be the same, mourning loved ones who are so far away.

Please pray for school tomorrow. We have so many that are directly and indirectly involved. The father is a teacher, the brother and sister are students, the mom is a leader with our parents. It's a staff member, a co-worker, a friend, a student, a loved one.

Pray for the family as things are being decided. Unimaginably hard decisions, ones that no parent should have to make.

Pray for His peace and comfort and wisdom and guidance on my community here.

Petitions

2011-03-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

(I wrote this around 12:30pm today but didn't post it immediately because we needed to wait before telling others)

Today is parent/teacher conference day. I was all ready to write a witty anecdote about an adventurous tri-lingual p/t meeting I had yesterday. It was going to be awesome.

But about an hour ago, one of our staff kids, a 5th grader, had an accident. He fell about 30 feet and hit his head. He was out playing with his friends.

We are asking...begging that he is healed. That his lungs work properly and he can breath on his own. That his brain and spinal cord are spared from any permanent damage. That his body is completely whole. That the family can get to a better medical facility.

And now we wait. We wait to see where they'll take him to get the best medical care. We wait to find out what, if any, damage there is. We wait to see what HE is going to do.

I beg you to lift this little boy up, his parents, his sisters and brother, the other kids that witnessed the accident, our community. The way we are all intertwined here, it's not like this is just happening to someone I know or work with. It's happening to me. To my family. Each of us feels that way. A part of us has been damaged.

We covet your thoughts.

Bullet Points #1

2011-03-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

We started the 4th quarter this week. 4th quarter!!! I can't believe how quickly time passes.
I don't feel like blogging but I'm trying not to lose steam so I'm making myself do these bullet point things. Less wit required.
There's a salt scarcity in China right now. Apparently, it's a common belief that table salt can save you from radiation. And it can. If you can eat 80 tablespoons of it. Which in and of itself would kill you first. But regardless of that last little tid bit of information, all salt has been purchased off of every shelf in every store. Seriously. I'm just hoping that parents AREN'T stuffing their kids full of it. Seriously.
I've had three parties at school this week. Why? Um, well the official reason is because we're celebrating that we're done with all our traveling. The unofficial? There is no reason; we just wanted to have a party. Just don't tell my boss.
I scrambled 3 dozen eggs this morning for one of those parties.
Spring break is in a week or so, next next week actually. I have my first house guest coming. She's a friend from here in China. I'm super excited.
I've heard gas is supposed to be $5 a gallon in America this summer. How in the world am I supposed to travel all over the country with that kind of expense? Arg.
The "great firewall" has been super great these last few weeks. It's been extremely difficult to access the most popular western websites. News, fb, blogs, social media...all of it's been blocked off and on for days. We're assuming it's due to the stuff happening in the middle of the world.

That is all.

Rock Star

2011-03-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

I teach 9th grade World History at my school, only one of the three classes. It's the only other thing I teach besides MUN. This is mostly because I would lose my sanity if I taught more than that.

Back to the 9th graders...they. are. awesome. When they showed up on the first day of school, there was this look of wonder and fear on their faces. I'm not making this up, I can still remember it. I think the wonder was because I'm just so loud and expressive. And I think the fear was probably because...I'm just so loud and expressive. For weeks, I could actually watch them measure me...is she cool? Is she mean? Is she crazy? Is she scary? All of these emotions would play across their facial features. I could hear their assessment in how they responded to me, how they played my games, and answered my questions. I had to push them to get involved, to participate. To laugh, to talk, to tell stories.

And then sometime in October, maybe, the scale tipped. They had decided, as a class, that I was fun and funny and worth listening too. I could feel it in they way they greeted me each morning and acknowledged me in the hallway. How they asked about my weekend and came to hug me at fellowship. How they threw me a birthday party, the first class to ever do that for me on their own accord.

I love how they laugh with me, sometimes at me, and get my jokes. They play my silly games and take care of me. They listen to my stories and laugh at all the right places. They clap for me or cheer when I make them happy. They make me feel like a rock star sometimes.

We had a game night at my house tonight. I had so much fun. Not in a "I'm-a-teacher-you're-the-student-and-I'm-trying-to-make-you-happy" sort of way. It was more like "you-guys-are-so-funny-and-can-we-hang-out-again-soon?" sort of way.

Sigh. My job makes me happy. These kids make me happy.

No Joke

2011-03-17T16:05:00.001+08:00

I literally walk around with my zipper down at least once a week. I did it twice just today. And once yesterday.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

I blame it on the belt. I've just started wearing one and I think it's distracting me. I get so excited about the brand-new buckling that I forget about the measly every-day zipping.

Zipping, more important than buckling.
Zipping, more important than buckling.
Zipping, more important than buckling.

More important not only for me, but also for everyone else around me.

For the Love of Eggs

2011-03-16T11:38:00.000+08:00

When one of our own is returning to America for a visit, the question asked most often is, "What's the first thing you're going to eat when you get off the plane?" Usually, it's answered with things like Whataburger, Chipotle, mom's home-cooked meal of _________ or something like that. I usually dream of Diet Coke, Taco Bell, Chili's and real Mexican food (do you see a theme here?).

In Qingdao, we actually have a pretty nice selection of Western food. And when I say "pretty nice selection" I mean, we have a couple of pizza places, a couple of fast foods, a Starbucks and a couple of sit-down restaurants. I'm NOT complaining. I'm quite happy with our options. I rarely have to eat Chinese with all the choices we have here. Not that I mind eating Chinese food...it's just sometimes with all the sauces and oil and goopiness, it gets old (I know you're thinking, "what is she going to do when she moves out west and there's nothing but Chinese food?" My response is, "I'll worry about that when it comes. For right now, let me enjoy my American-ness).

I digress.

Even with all the western food places and import stores (we have a couple of those too), there are many things we just can't get here. Things like seasonal candy. More specifically, Easter candy. Most specifically, Cadbury Eggs.

Oh what I would do for a little nugget of creme and chocolately goodness right now!!

My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Peeling back the red and green and blue and yellow tin foil...biting into the chocolate ever so carefully as to not spill one single drop of the sickeningly-sweet (is "sickeningly" a word? it has so many suffixes) white and yellow creme, reveling in the sugar high that is soon to follow.

Sigh. A girl can dream....

P.S. I just read about a Cadbury Egg McFlurry. Now that really IS the stuff dreams are made of.

What I Do...

2011-03-15T20:13:00.000+08:00

So, after 7 months of silence, I've decided to give it another row at blogging. This is post #2 of the day. Maybe that means something, maybe it doesn't. Remember: low expectations, high happiness.

Most of you know I do a lot of traveling for my job, you just may not understand why. Well, I coach volleyball, volunteer with Vida (spiritual getaway), take students on fall and spring trips and teach a class called MUN (Model United Nations). All of those trips add up to a grand total of about 55 days of travel/staying in hotels each year. Crazy right? I know!

The biggest part of all that travel is for my MUN class. MUN in short, is a conference that allows students to come together and discuss/debate/solve world issues all while representing a specific country. For instance, a student maybe representing the country of Iran while discussing nuclear proliferation. The student, regardless of personal opinion, must discuss, debate and resolve as if they were an ambassador from Iran. Loyal and true to Iranian law and leadership. They spend 3-4 days, 8 hours a day discussing the issues assigned to them in their forum. They practice public speaking, debating, compromising, role-playing...there's a lot more to it than that but those are the very basics.

Dun-da-da-da!!!! Sunday finished up the last MUN trip of the school year for me. Wahoo! I love traveling but I'm so glad to be done for a couple of months. Anyway, we went to Seoul, Singapore, Boston, Beijing and hosted one here in Qingdao (MUNiSC) this year. The big daddy being the one we host. Not in size but in work load. I spent the last 6 months preparing for this conference. We created a new website (found here) and did a bunch of other stuff (that I won't bore you with) to get ready. It was three days long, consisted of about 210 students, 20 advisors, 9 schools and a 5+ star hotel.

MUNiSC 2011...Discussing, Debating, Resolving...

If you want to see more pictures or learn more about what I do, go to the website. http://munisc.qmischina.com/

....

2011-03-15T10:15:00.000+08:00

Life is full of the tedious. Alarm clocks, bus rides, grading, grocery shopping,. The same ole, same ole. I get up, I get ready for school, I teach, I come home, I go to bed, I start again the next day. There's the occasional insert of dinner with friends, day at Fellowship, and shopping trips but mostly my life is the same every day. I think sometimes it gets tiring.

Then the world shakes and thousands of people are gone in an instance. People who were doing the same tedious things I do. In fact, they may have been in the middle of the monotonous when the walls came crumbling down around them.

And that's when those boring, every day things become...more. More important. More valued. I have electricity that sets the alarm off, roads to ride the bus on, a school to do my grading in, and food in the grocery store to buy. I get to worry about what to have for dinner and where I'm going this weekend.

There are millions not too far from me that were worrying about the same things just last week and now...now, they have nothing. They're just grateful to be alive.

That's what's on my mind today.

Remember...

2011-03-14T21:05:00.000+08:00

my old blog and how I used to write every day? It's been 7 months since I've written here. Maybe some day I'll pick it back up again. Hm...if I could just write without worrying about being witty or interesting...I think that would make it easier.

Maybe I should change my blog title to "Low Expectations, High Happiness". That could set the mood for readers when/if they ever come here again.

That is all.

School It Up

2010-08-19T19:22:00.000+08:00

I'm almost finished with my first full week of school. I can already tell it's going to be a fantastic year despite the fact that I've already given out two detentions. Yes, I'm THAT teacher.
Anyway, my excitement over the year is building. Seems strange since school's already started, but it's true. The more time I spend with my students, the more lesson plans I create, the more team teaching I do, the more travel plans I make, the more excited I get. I suppose it's a mix between starting with a clean slate with freshman students, actually knowing what I'm doing this year, and having time to do it all.

My freshman students tend to stare at me in wonder. I think it's mostly because they're not quite sure what to make of me yet. Am I funny? Am I scary? I'm just so loud and animated. But at least they laugh at my jokes. That's all I care about. :)

I'm getting to "team teach" this year. I'm only teaching one of the three sections of 9th grade World History so I've been working really closely with the other WH teacher. He's super smart and experienced in teaching the class so he has a ton of ideas and resources. It's nice to brain storm and have new things available. And he seems to enjoy working together too which is nice. Not everyone likes cooperative teaching.

I'm starting the trip planning part for MUN for this semester. We'll be going to Singapore and South Korea (for some reason, I almost wrote North). I actually KNOW what I'm doing!!! I know what students to choose, who deserves to go and who will be best. I know what hotel to stay at and how to get plane tickets. I know how to get to and from the airport. I have some ideas for sight seeing. I have chaperones planned and...well, it's just good.

On another note, I came home early today. Every day I've felt a little funny and today the cold hit full force. I cannot believe I'm sick during the first week of school. Ridiculous. I stayed for all my classes (it's just too much trouble to miss classes unless it's absolutely necessary) and left after my lunch meeting. It felt good to take a nap and watch a movie. I made a delicous dinner, mostly because that's all I'm doing these days, cooking. Even when I'm sick. A girl's got to eat. It's the dishes I hate. Those I will wait to do until tomorrow when my eyes aren't pounding.

Back To School

2010-08-04T07:51:00.000+08:00

A week from tomorrow begins 9 months of craziness. Actually, that's not true. My school year starts tomorrow with an MUN conference in Beijing. That means I'll be traveling about 25-30 days this semester. I'll be going to Beijing twice, Singapore, Seoul and somewhere in China for a volleyball tournament. Thank goodness my classload is different this year.

Last year, I taught AP World History and MUN (Model United Nations). See here if you want to learn more about MUN. Both turned out to be full time jobs. That means 1 person doing 2 jobs. I averaged out my work time for the year and it turned out to be about 80 hours a week. That doesn't include additional meetings or the 1.5 hours a day spent in transit or coaching volleyball. It was a really tough year. I was teaching two classes, one that I just wasn't smart enough for (AP) and the other, all the students knew more than I did and were super loyal to the previous teacher (MUN). I've never worked so hard or felt so inept. I think part of it was that the students that I was (and will be) teaching are so different here than they are in the US.

In the States, it's all about relationships. Once they know and trust me, they might listen to what I have to teach them. But mostly, it was about just getting through the class. Loving them and getting to know them was much more important. I was working with kids who had been abandoned by their parents, raised by grandparents, students who had immediate family members in gangs or serving life sentences in prison, students who had parents that didn't care one iota about how they did in school, it was just a glorified babysitting job. You had to be rough and abrupt and fun and tell stories and play games and do activities.

But here, it is literally the complete opposite. My classes are about 90% Korean. The rest are mostly Westerners that have almost genius IQs. For them, it's all about Academics. The more the teacher knows, the more respect the students have. First academics, then the relationship. And they don't want to mess around with group work or activities (specifically my AP), they want all lecture all the time. Maybe some discussion. To lecture for 1.5 hours is very difficult. I had to stud 4-6 hours for every class period. And I still didn't feel ready.

Last year was kind of that I-don't-have-the-time-to-prepare-properly-so-everything's-going-to-suffer year. I was doing a halfway job in everything. I had to, that's the only way things got done. And I hated it.

Looking back though, I did have some success. Even though the individual classes didn't go well, I was able to take my MUNers on trips all over the world successfully, host a large conference in Qingdao and my APers did VERY well on their exam. 13 out of 15 got 3s or above ( six with 5s). And I feel like I've grown tremendously as a teacher. Last year stretched me professionally unlike any other year. I definitely wasn't able to coast like I have in previous jobs.

THIS year, things will be different. I now know what I'm doing in MUN. I will have actual lesson plans and activities. I will know how to plan the trips and what paperwork to fill out. I'm already working on the conference we host next February. And the biggest news...I'm NOT teaching AP anymore. Woohoo! Man, I loved the students- we spent a lot of time together (A LOT!) but I will not miss that class. Instead, I'll be teaching World History I to 9th graders. We can do fun stuff and take our time. I don't have to lecture everyday. I can't express how happy that makes me. :) Man, it's going to be so fun! And I'm incorporating a whole bunch of stuff including student blogs and current events and well, I don't know what else yet, but it's going to be AWESOME!

I'm really excited about school this year. Yay. I think it's going to be a great year. I'm finally getting to teach the same subject two years in a row and stay in the same classroom. That in and of itself is a big deal. Anyway, God is good (of course, He was even last year when things were hard).

The following is for my mother but you all are welcome to read.

Mom, here's my class schedule:

Odd days (1,3,5)- WH1 9am-11:30am; MUN 1:30pm-3pm
Even days (2,4,6)- MUN 8am-9:30am; MUN 11:30am-1pm

I know it looks like I'm not doing much but I have Chinese two hours a week and MUN takes up most of my other prep time. Plus I'll be doing volleyball during first quarter and then traveling 2nd quarter.

"China Day"

2010-07-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

Today, one of the hottest days of the summer, I found myself without electricity. For the entire day. My complex is switching how they electrify each apartment and needed all day to rewire. As of today, I am on pay-as-you-go-power. We have a card that we recharge when it runs out. I have this little slot on the breaker box thingy, I just slide my card in there and it refills my power-holder with units (are you impressed with my technical terms?). A little less convenient but probably cheaper. This way, I can look at any time to see how much electricity I'm using and how much I have left, which is AWESOME. You know I'll be checking every day to see where I'm at. In fact, I can't wait until tomorrow just to see how many units I've used.

Anyway, back to the heat. It's been in the upper 90s this week with really high humidity. In fact, tomorrow with the humidity index, it's supposed to be 115 degrees. Barf. I HATE humidity. I don't even think "hate" is a strong enough word. Even in 70 degree weather humidity kills me. But with this crazy heat, I'm literally a slurpy mess all the time unless I've been inside for awhile and dried off. I've totally stopped doing my hair and makeup which means I'm looking like a 12 year old.

It's midnight in China right now and there are fireworks going off. Arg, drives me crazy.

Anyway...back to my complaining...one more thing to whine about...

The apartment I moved into is fantastic. Slap some paint on the walls and just about any place looks nice. But with any apartment in China comes some "must fix" stuff. My kitchen and bathroom need some serious work. When we signed the lease, it was under the condition that we would build more cabinet space in the kitchen. I met with a cabinet guy the first week I moved in here. He only spoke Chinese and at that point I knew about 200 less words. Not that any of my new words have anything to do with "shelves, cupboards, width" and such. So, I spent my time motioning and grunting. I thought I communicated what I wanted. When the workers showed up today to install them, well, they're not what I was expecting. My entire kitchen is white. White walls, white counters, white cabinets. Not my favorite but not as bad as it could be (think smurf blue and sunshine yellow metal). So, following the theme, I asked the guy to make the cabinets white. Apparently, they don't have white (which I was never told) so he brought another color. Now, sometimes in China, one has to just suck it up and deal with things. This would usually be one of them, but I just can't bring myself to have one type of cabinets installed in the top part of my kitchen and another type in the bottom. So, now I have about 6 wall units all over the dining room floor. I'm so thankful that I get new storage in my kitchen. Talk to anyone here and it's a pretty special thing. But if we're going to do it, it should be done the right way. If possible. And if it can't be fixed, I'll deal with it...until I can paint them :).

Between the heat, non-electricity and cabinet mess, it was what we foreigners refer to as a "China Day". The kind of day where things happen that probably wouldn't happen in your home country and definitely not all in one day. Like..."it's the dead of summer and we're going turn your electricity off" or "we're out of that color so we're going to give you something different without consulting you" or "you don't have an elevator to get to the 5th floor so you get to melt from the heat on the way up". These days rarely ever occur, mostly because things don't often get to me here. I just kind of expect life to be a little harder than it should be. But I think the heat is making me grumpy these days.

There were some good things that happened today. I was able to go back to sleep after the workers left this morning. I went all the way into town, ate lunch, got a frappachino, and went back out to my apartment all for 6 kuai (about $1). I spent some time with friends and met a new co-worker. And my apartment is a cool 72 degrees and electrified as I type this.

I have high hopes for tomorrow...

mǎ​ma​hū​hū​

Consistency is Key...

The Vacation Thus Far...

Ti-i-i-ime I-is On My Side

The Dress

Living on the Edge: Getting Clothes Made in China

Bullet Points # 732

It's Official. I'm Old.

Random Thoughts #212

A Fishbowl Life

To a New Year...

Embracing the Suck

The Real Deal

The Same Old Same Old

Follow Up Pics...

Jean Jumpers and Apple Sweaters Are NOT An Option

I Can't See Clearly Now, The Rain is Not Gone

Au Revoir Old Pal

THE Road Trip- Thank Yous

THE Road Trip- Part Deuce

THE Road Trip- Part A

My Top Ten FAQ's About China

Happy

Gettin' My Hairs Did

I still call him "daddy".

Friends Are Fuuuuurever!

The Beans and Buns (Mental) Breakdown

Things To Note

My Future "Plans"

Since We Last Spoke

No Place Like Home

Grow Up Grown Up!

Hong Kong Trip

Practically Famous

Conversations With Friends

Bullet Points #3

Dear Mom, (Part 3)

Dear Mom, (Part 2)

Dear Mom, (Part 1)

Stimulating Simulations

I Heart Koreans- 1

Un-American...

New Pet...ish

The Royal Evening

Spring Has Arrived

Marbles

Avoidance

The Beginning

The Longest Day

The End.

Now Scanning: Mixed Emotions

The Grossest Thing I've Ever Seen

Stolen Poem- Emotional Idiot

The "M" Word

You Are My Sunshine

Behind The Smoke Screen

Things I Learned At English Corner #1

Spring Banquet 2011

Stolen Poem

Inside

Happy Day?

Remember That One Time...

Nicknames

Friendships

Bullet Points #2- Spring Break

Ah Snap!

...

A Compliment

Grief

Petitions

Bullet Points #1

Rock Star

No Joke

For the Love of Eggs

What I Do...

....

Remember...

School It Up

Back To School

"China Day"

mǎmahūhū